"Your mom is scary. She governs in evil from a reclined position, like Jabba the Hutt."

First off, a meme ganked from a few people:

I ask you, you reading this, if you could make a request in a ficathon that you knew I would be assigned, what would it be? I probably won't write any of these, so don't think of it as a prompt, (although I might ... you never know, I'm spontaneous like that) and feel free to be wacky. (Or feel free to be reasonable and hope you give me a bunny.) So if you're game, provide fandom, pairing (or gen) and prompt (by which I mean, slice of a song, bit of poetry, three things you want and two things you don't -- no specific plot points). This will probably be more fun if you request in a fandom that I currently write in or have repeatedly mentioned liking, but whatever. Go crazy. Go.

Secondly, you know what I want for my birthday? I mean, aside from a million dollars and a new house and a puppy and a book deal and to lose my virginity and to just kind of curl my entire body up against Jensen Ackles and snuggle happily for a while?

... um, actually, now that I think about it, that might cover everything. Hmm.

Thirdly, want my laptop NOW. *sigh*

You know what that is? BULLSHIT.

I just received an email about my laptop stating that the LCD is cracked, which is not covered by my warranty and will cost in the arena of eight hundred bucks to fix.

I'm sorry, but NO. My laptop left this house with two things wrong with it -- the USB ports wouldn't work and the CD drive popped open randomly. Everything else was in perfect fucking order. So either FedEx broke it, or Compaq broke it. And somehow, after working for two years at DHL, I highly doubt it's Compaq's goddamn fault.

Okay, look. I have never been that livid customer who screams on the phone. NEVER. I am always as polite as I can manage with customer service considering I've been doing that job for years now, when I even have a problem I deem worthy of complaining about.

But this? Oh, HELL, no.

*cracks knuckles*

You know, part of me sincerely hopes this was Compaq's fault, because FedEx does not want me on their ass. I know what drivers do. I've seen those fuckers throwing boxes out of their truck onto the cement floor of a warehouse. I've seen them casually run shit over with their trucks. I've seen them "accidentally" tear a label off a box so they might have a chance at keeping the contents (if I couldn't figure out who the package belonged to to ship it back to someone, we got to keep it). I know that was DHL but I don't think it's that much of a stretch to think that shipping company drivers are alike wherever you go.

Oh, I cannot begin to describe how much I am the WRONG person to fuck with in this situation.