At random ...

-- Oh, man, how much do I hate stomach cramps? *cries* My tummy hurts so much I actually went out and spent money on a Thermacare patch, which considering my tolerance for painkillers is the only thing that ever works for my freakin' stomach cramps. I think I'm going to give up on a trip to Borders so I can go curl up in bed and drink or something.

-- One of the books I picked up at the library yesterday was Nando Parrado's account of escaping the Andes (he was the guy Ethan Hawke played in Alive) and the best part so far is that he wasn't the one who was all calm and resigned to them having to escape on their own after the search was called off, he was off on the side going, "Fuck this shit, give me some meat and some extra clothes, I'm leaving RIGHT THE FUCK NOW." I know it's all tragic and sad, but at the same time I couldn't help snickering and thinking, "Yeah, that sounds about right for him." :)

-- The Pepsi Max v-gift wank amuses the hell out of me, if only because I don't think that's a gift, I think that's the equivalent of leaving a flaming bag of poo on someone's userinfo. And I like Pepsi, damn it, but I could use that stuff to seal my parents's driveway. (Also, I have milk and Oreos and a gold star on my userinfo, which is AWESOME.)

-- I'm going to be thirty in a month and a half. That's ... kind of odd. Hmm.

You know, I used to build fibreoptic circuit boards for a living. That's why this is funny.

Okay, so I think I've figured out why the keyboard and touchpad both aren't working.

I'm probably wrong, but I'm already floating on a high because I figured out why the speakers weren't working. (Dear Compaq, maybe the sound would come out of the long black thing if you'd plug the little wires back into the fucking motherboard. Idiots.)

Anyway, you know when you lift up the motherboard (and I'm only guessing that big flat green thing is the motherboard -- no, really, that subject line is ACTUALLY TRUE), and there's those two flat wire thingies coming out of the laptop from where the keyboard and touchpad controls should logically be? Mine are just taped down. They're not connected to the motherboard. And they should be, right? I mean, they look like they should be stuck in something, and they're not actually IN anything. They're just there.

Does anybody know enough about the internal organs of a laptop to tell me whether or not I'm right? Because if I'm wrong ... well, hell, why is that any sort of surprise? And if I'm right, ha! Then I only have to figure out why my USB ports won't work and I become a god.

Is the cute little redhead going to have to choke a bitch?

Geek Squad confirmed my suspicions about the laptop.

Motherfuckers at Compaq.

*growls*