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Dear creepy new guy at work,
Among other disqualifying factors in trying to get my attention in some sort of romantic capacity are the following:
-- Telling me to smile when I'm pissed off.
-- Repeatedly calling me and other female employees "sweetie," "honey," and the like.
-- Calling me Jenny when I introduced myself as Jennifer.
-- The fact that I don't date co-workers.
-- Your teeth, the few of them that you still have, are horrendous.
-- Staring at my ass as I walk away.
-- Making me the only topic of conversation you want to talk to other people about.
-- Asking me what I would like a man to give me for my birthday.
-- Touching my hair without asking.
-- Bathing in some of the most noxious cologne I've ever had the displeasure of encountering.
-- Responding to my comment the other day that I'd like to be a mom one day by offering to father my children.
-- Sneaking up behind me while I was talking to another co-worker and attempting to give me quite possibly the worst shoulder massage in human history without asking. And no, not the one you see in every sexual harrassment video known to man.
-- Drawing me a HUGE happy-birthday wish from yourself on a cardboard box when you've only known me a week.
Please don't turn me into the girl who runs to the boss because every new guy won't stop being a fucking creepazoid in my general direction. Jesus on a pogo stick, y'all.
Sincerely,
Me
Among other disqualifying factors in trying to get my attention in some sort of romantic capacity are the following:
-- Telling me to smile when I'm pissed off.
-- Repeatedly calling me and other female employees "sweetie," "honey," and the like.
-- Calling me Jenny when I introduced myself as Jennifer.
-- The fact that I don't date co-workers.
-- Your teeth, the few of them that you still have, are horrendous.
-- Staring at my ass as I walk away.
-- Making me the only topic of conversation you want to talk to other people about.
-- Asking me what I would like a man to give me for my birthday.
-- Touching my hair without asking.
-- Bathing in some of the most noxious cologne I've ever had the displeasure of encountering.
-- Responding to my comment the other day that I'd like to be a mom one day by offering to father my children.
-- Sneaking up behind me while I was talking to another co-worker and attempting to give me quite possibly the worst shoulder massage in human history without asking. And no, not the one you see in every sexual harrassment video known to man.
-- Drawing me a HUGE happy-birthday wish from yourself on a cardboard box when you've only known me a week.
Please don't turn me into the girl who runs to the boss because every new guy won't stop being a fucking creepazoid in my general direction. Jesus on a pogo stick, y'all.
Sincerely,
Me
