*chokesplorfles*

Spotted on Not Always Right, and titled "An Offering To The Literary Gods," from a librarian:

(I’m sitting at the reference desk when a lady walks in with a beautiful bouquet in one hand, a bag full of freshly-baked loaves of bread in the other, and a ferocious scowl on her face. She comes to the desk and slams down the flowers.)

Lady: *growls* “Flowers for librarians!”

(She slams down the bread, then growls again.)

Lady: “Bread for librarians!”

(She then puts both hands on the desk and leans forward.)

Lady: *snarling* “Now find me a book!”

Wow, this is a phenomenal bit of fail.

Women are not passionate enough about sex and concentrate too much on feelings to be able to write raunchy stories, the new owner of Britain's Erotic Review said on Monday.

Okay, after I stopped laughing hysterically, I noticed this is a WOMAN saying this.

How freaking stupid and out-of-touch with the writing community and women in general do you have to be to not know what a profound load of crap that is?

Oh, oh, my favorite bit:

"It's almost like writing about food ... Ladies who lunch, should not really write about food because they don't really love food. They don't salivate at the thought of a great steak."

Speak for yourself, you twit. My last meal's going to be a damn steak. Blood rare. Just bring a cow into the kitchen and let it look at the oven in horror.

And now I want a steak. Fuuuuuuck.

I hate my hair.

So I'm trying to grow it out. Yes, AGAIN.



This is the ONE good picture of my hair I've managed to get in the last fifteen minutes. Look, here's the thing. There are two things I hate when it comes to my hair -- the ends of my hair at the very bottom of my scalp touching my neck as they grow out, and bangs. I've already gone at the hair along the nape of my neck with scissors. But clipping my bangs back with those little plastic clips gets tiresome after a while.

Hence me today with, essentially, my hair down.

I can almost imagine how annoying that's going to be in a month and a half at my family reunion. You know, if I don't crack and go get my hair cut between now and then. (I want a bob again, damn it.)

On the plus side, I think I already lost weight, but I haven't weighed myself. I could swear my waist was 34 inches the last time I checked but I can't be sure. Now it's 33 1/2 inches, so if I'm right -- woot!

YUM.

Up until last week, I have never eaten cottage cheese before.

Now I'm totally addicted to Cottage Doubles.

As soon as this lady calls me back about my resume, I'm off to buy more crack.

(My mother thought I was nuts because when I first went to buy them, they only had peach, strawberry and pineapple (which I loathe), but when I went to her house I saw she had apple cinnamon Cottage Doubles and spazzed.)

Oh, ffs.

I wasted most of today playing phone tag with the lady who left me the message about the job offer and still didn't freakin' reach her. It probably would have helped if she'd listened when I left a message that said call me on my cell phone because the wire for my landline got all chewed up the last time the chinchillas got up. *sigh*

So, yeah. Things like that completely draw all of my focus, so aside from washing my dishes, paying close attention to what I've been eating all day long, and staring at my cell phone silently thinking, "CALL ME DAMN IT," I've gotten nothing done today.

I'm going to try to get something done later, but right now I'm being torn between SYTYCD and I'm A Celebrity. I don't think Jonathan or Jason are all that cute, which makes me different than most of the SYTYCD audience, it sounds like. As for the jungle crowd, the food trial was for Chinese takeout. I'm seriously craving shrimp and broccoli and pork fried rice right now, I swear, so thanks a lot, stupid reality show. *pouts*

I'm contemplating my next move after Heroine Addiction gets done. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to finish a chapter a day of this, AT LEAST, until I'm done with the damn thing. I know exactly what's going to happen and I don't have a freaking job yet. And I still have to edit GPW. I just like knowing what ideas I've got on hand even if I'm not going to use them, you know? I feel like I want to do like I did with Heroine Addiction, where I kinda just sat down and made a short list of stuff I either like to read about or write. So, "bisexuals" + "superheroes" + "wee little cafe" = FUNSIES. I'm just going to end up throwing, like, "disasters" and "wizards" and "gay romance" and "mpreg" and "reality TV" and "cooking" and "travel" and "surprise pregnancy stories" and anything else I can come up with at a wall and seeing what sticks.

... is Myleene wearing lingerie, or does it just look that way to me?

Hm.

( A couple of quick comments about Top Chef Masters )