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I woke up this morning thinking this, and I just wanted to get it out of my head. See, the first thing the left-leaning internet said when the results came out last night was, "Ho, shit, we're FUCKED." (I am not saying I didn't flip out myself. See this ONTD_P comment right here, y'all.)
However, I have a somewhat persistently optimistic brain at times, and I just woke up not fifteen minutes ago (and am therefore still somewhat bleary-eyed, let's face it) thinking, "There's got to be a plus side to Tea Partiers in office and Palin's head swelling to the size of the moon over this shit." So here we go.
Five reasons the results of the American midterm elections may not be as bad as all that
1. It may not be as bad as we're all leading ourselves to believe. Let's just get that right out there. It's been four days since there were signs parading all over the Mall begging for polite discourse. Speed ahead four days and the left-wing blogosphere responds to the election results with D: faces all around. Which leads me personally to get a little leery of turning into the left-wing equivalent of a Tea Party protester and therefore be a bit hesitant in the way I frame my criticisms.
That said, what if it's not as bad as all that? The Senate is still controlled by the Democrats, and a Democrat is still in the White House. As much as the Republicans are crowing this morning -- and I'm not going to say they don't deserve it, considering the win and all -- the House isn't the end-all, be-all of the government. They've got the chance to make some very horrible decisions, God knows, but what if they don't?
I just remember that in 2004 when Bush got elected, I got into an argument the day after the election with a Republican co-worker who stepped away from the conversation the moment I brought up the (currently, at the time) circulating rumor that they might attempt to reinstate the draft and I didn't want my brother near that shit. Did it happen? Well, no, of course not, because it'd have to be something outrageous to bring back the damn draft and I should have thought that before I even got into the damn argument. Granted, I didn't allow for the thought that Bush might continue to drive the economy into the fucking ground and clear brush while New Orleans flooded, but still. One part of one branch of the federal government does not a complete takeover make.
2. ... but, yeah, it may actually be as bad as all that. Yeah, yeah, O'Donnell is sitting at home weeping to the Goddess while masturbating furiously, Paladino is bashing a cardboard standee of Cuomo with a baseball bat to the soundtrack of some horse porn, and Angle is probably spewing racist epithets like someone with severe Tourette's to make themselves feel better.
That said ... Paul. Rubio. Johnson. And many, many more. There are some poor-people-hating, racist, misogynist, homophobic ignorant fucks who won their elections last night. Which, quite frankly, may be exactly what this country needs.
Of course I'm not saying that what we need is more people shouting about how we don't need taxes to pay for shit or that DADT makes the baby Jesus kick his tiny himself-loving baby feet. What I am saying is that maybe the same people who voted for Rand Paul because they hate taxes and unions and brown people need to be reminded what happens when you don't have taxes to pay for stuff and the unions get fucked over and discrimination turns right around and bites YOU in the ass instead.
Let's say our worst fears of their possible voting influences come to fruition. We're appalled by what they could be. What happens if the people who voted for them become appalled as well?
3. We could use a little healthy competition. We've had two years of the Democrats shuffling around Washington being in control, and it's sort of amazing they've been able to accomplish that, really, considering how the vast majority of the Democrats lost their fucking backbone at some point.
As much as the Republicans can be a great big pile of dicks (not that the Democrats can't when they really try, and sometimes when they don't), being a great big pile of dicks when they're not in power means basically a lot of whining and tantrum-throwing. Which, again, doesn't mean much when they're not in power, even when the Democrats respond to said tantrum-throwing by turning pink in the ears and stammering soothing words and offering everything short of a pony to get them to stop stamping their feet like that, the neighbors will hear, oh honey, STOP THAT, please.
Ahem.
But, yes. Fine, the Republicans have the House. Now let's see if the Democrats respond to their threats to lock down Congress tighter than a drum with some actual fightin' words, rather than a swift shot of vodka and a quick call to Grandma to come babysit the toddler throwing a strop on the living room floor before they smother the stupid kid.
4. And hey, maybe we could use a refresher course on What Happens When The Rest Of The World Hates Our Ass. Because, seriously, a lot of Americans seem to think, "Who gives a shit about the rest of the world? We're America and we're AWESOMECAKES!"
... yeah, about that. We're 350 million people in a 7-billion person world. America tends to behave at times like that roommate you hated. He gets drunk, starts fights, thinks every woman loves him, occasionally wanders into your bedroom while smashed and pisses on your bed, and avoids chipping in for anything short of rent, and even then can you pay for his share this month and he'll pay you back next month?
It's entirely possible we need to remember that the whole chest-pumping responsibility-avoiding fight-starting bullshit doesn't fly with everybody else, and what that entails.
5. It's only two years until the next election. Also, the last time this happened under a Democratic president, people were so irritated when the Republicans locked up Congress tighter than a drum (see: what Boehner and have others have hinted at doing this time around), Clinton got himself another four years. So, you know, there's that.
However, I have a somewhat persistently optimistic brain at times, and I just woke up not fifteen minutes ago (and am therefore still somewhat bleary-eyed, let's face it) thinking, "There's got to be a plus side to Tea Partiers in office and Palin's head swelling to the size of the moon over this shit." So here we go.
Five reasons the results of the American midterm elections may not be as bad as all that
1. It may not be as bad as we're all leading ourselves to believe. Let's just get that right out there. It's been four days since there were signs parading all over the Mall begging for polite discourse. Speed ahead four days and the left-wing blogosphere responds to the election results with D: faces all around. Which leads me personally to get a little leery of turning into the left-wing equivalent of a Tea Party protester and therefore be a bit hesitant in the way I frame my criticisms.
That said, what if it's not as bad as all that? The Senate is still controlled by the Democrats, and a Democrat is still in the White House. As much as the Republicans are crowing this morning -- and I'm not going to say they don't deserve it, considering the win and all -- the House isn't the end-all, be-all of the government. They've got the chance to make some very horrible decisions, God knows, but what if they don't?
I just remember that in 2004 when Bush got elected, I got into an argument the day after the election with a Republican co-worker who stepped away from the conversation the moment I brought up the (currently, at the time) circulating rumor that they might attempt to reinstate the draft and I didn't want my brother near that shit. Did it happen? Well, no, of course not, because it'd have to be something outrageous to bring back the damn draft and I should have thought that before I even got into the damn argument. Granted, I didn't allow for the thought that Bush might continue to drive the economy into the fucking ground and clear brush while New Orleans flooded, but still. One part of one branch of the federal government does not a complete takeover make.
2. ... but, yeah, it may actually be as bad as all that. Yeah, yeah, O'Donnell is sitting at home weeping to the Goddess while masturbating furiously, Paladino is bashing a cardboard standee of Cuomo with a baseball bat to the soundtrack of some horse porn, and Angle is probably spewing racist epithets like someone with severe Tourette's to make themselves feel better.
That said ... Paul. Rubio. Johnson. And many, many more. There are some poor-people-hating, racist, misogynist, homophobic ignorant fucks who won their elections last night. Which, quite frankly, may be exactly what this country needs.
Of course I'm not saying that what we need is more people shouting about how we don't need taxes to pay for shit or that DADT makes the baby Jesus kick his tiny himself-loving baby feet. What I am saying is that maybe the same people who voted for Rand Paul because they hate taxes and unions and brown people need to be reminded what happens when you don't have taxes to pay for stuff and the unions get fucked over and discrimination turns right around and bites YOU in the ass instead.
Let's say our worst fears of their possible voting influences come to fruition. We're appalled by what they could be. What happens if the people who voted for them become appalled as well?
3. We could use a little healthy competition. We've had two years of the Democrats shuffling around Washington being in control, and it's sort of amazing they've been able to accomplish that, really, considering how the vast majority of the Democrats lost their fucking backbone at some point.
As much as the Republicans can be a great big pile of dicks (not that the Democrats can't when they really try, and sometimes when they don't), being a great big pile of dicks when they're not in power means basically a lot of whining and tantrum-throwing. Which, again, doesn't mean much when they're not in power, even when the Democrats respond to said tantrum-throwing by turning pink in the ears and stammering soothing words and offering everything short of a pony to get them to stop stamping their feet like that, the neighbors will hear, oh honey, STOP THAT, please.
Ahem.
But, yes. Fine, the Republicans have the House. Now let's see if the Democrats respond to their threats to lock down Congress tighter than a drum with some actual fightin' words, rather than a swift shot of vodka and a quick call to Grandma to come babysit the toddler throwing a strop on the living room floor before they smother the stupid kid.
4. And hey, maybe we could use a refresher course on What Happens When The Rest Of The World Hates Our Ass. Because, seriously, a lot of Americans seem to think, "Who gives a shit about the rest of the world? We're America and we're AWESOMECAKES!"
... yeah, about that. We're 350 million people in a 7-billion person world. America tends to behave at times like that roommate you hated. He gets drunk, starts fights, thinks every woman loves him, occasionally wanders into your bedroom while smashed and pisses on your bed, and avoids chipping in for anything short of rent, and even then can you pay for his share this month and he'll pay you back next month?
It's entirely possible we need to remember that the whole chest-pumping responsibility-avoiding fight-starting bullshit doesn't fly with everybody else, and what that entails.
5. It's only two years until the next election. Also, the last time this happened under a Democratic president, people were so irritated when the Republicans locked up Congress tighter than a drum (see: what Boehner and have others have hinted at doing this time around), Clinton got himself another four years. So, you know, there's that.
