Status of the writer

[apocalypsos]

Uh, there is none?

The creative part of my brain feels like a desert right now. Just completely barren. Absolutely nothing's been flowing lately. Consider my brain a wasteland. *headdesk*

Part of the reason I really hope that I get the warehouse job is that between the pay and the regular employment I think it'll do me a world of good in regards to my writing. Not having to worry about paying my bills or the fact that I've been making up excuses to get out of my house at this point -- I practically tripped over myself taking my parents up on their offer to go visit family in Massachusetts with them last weekend -- would be a nice change of pace. I can't believe I miss my last job a little at this point, if only because I had more social interaction and plenty of work time by myself to brainstorm, both of which helped my creativity immensely.

I tend to inadvertently tie a lot of my self-esteem into my writing, since it's the one thing I feel like I do well with any consistency, so when I'm not writing it makes me feel like shit, and that just makes things worse. The problem of putting it front and center is that I end up taking a lot of pride in people liking my stuff even though I pretty much completely shut down when people throw compliments my way and turn into the painfully shy geek I was in high school who can barely get a thankful word out even over the internet, and then when I slip into a dry spell I feel like nobody wants to be anywhere near me because, hey, who wants to waste time with her when she's not even that interesting without a pen in her hand?

Hence, longer dry spell. *sigh*

Currently, I'm struggling to squeeze out words on Heroine Addiction, which I spend a lot of time using to kick myself in the ass over by making grumbly self-deprecating comments about how it deserves a writer who's not in severe need of mental repair. I think I may need to redo my outline for the rest of the chapters in a bit more detail to get going there. Trying to edit The Grand Prize Winner is making me go cross-eyed, so I can't even imagine how blind I'd go working on Dead Men In Dark Suits or the Books of Boggs. And there's Blood Red Carpet and Chapter and Curse to work on but can't. I'd be tempted to just write time-stamp ficlets or something based on my novels just to attempt to generate something, but even that much feels like trying to squeeze blood from a stone.

The one thing I was looking forward to when I got laid off was the free time to work on my writing, and that's sort of gone directly down the toilet. So basically, the one thing that inevitably picks me up when I'm sad or depressed is letting me down. Urgh.

You know, it's times like this that I go and do stupid stuff like buy bacon-flavored gumballs. (What? They're bacon-flavored.)

Comments

[lavenderfrost.livejournal.com]

I tend to feel the same way about design - it's the only thing I do well, and when I have trouble? I completely tank. Confidence plummets to near-zero levels, which makes things even WORSE, and yeah. My last artwork piece from this weekend was my first that I'd completed in...I'd rather not think about how long. ^^;;

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Yeah. On the plus side, when I get blocked, I turn into my mom. My apartment hasn't been this clean since I moved in. :D

[lavenderfrost.livejournal.com]

Heh.

I've been trying to work past the design blockage by just...looking at pretty things? lol I'll cruise websites for things like photography and greeting cards and such, and just look at what people are doing. One of the first things people always stressed when I was working on my Associates' degree is that creativity can't exist in a vaccum, so stop expecting yourself to be this great genius who comes up with things all on your own. It doesn't always hit home and I have trouble believing it a lot of times, but I try to keep it in mind anyway. ^^;;

I don't know how that would translate to something you could do for writing-blockage, though. ^^;;

I honestly envy you, even when you're blocked. I have so many story ideas in my head all the friggin' time (like this Lady Of Shallott what-really-happened-it's-not-what-you-think story for Merlin that's eating me alive omg you have no idea) and I've never been good enough with words to get it from idea to story. XP

[florahart]

1. My capacity to write things that make sense has ebb and flow that is entirely hormone-based. Given the current level of ow in my boobs, I'm expecting a rush of v. porny porn to be upcoming sometime soon. *works with what self has*

...it's going to be REALLY ANNOYING if this "month"'s mustwritepornnow phase coincides with moving and my dad being here. >X[

2. Bacon-flavored gumballs? Is there vodka involved?