apocalypsos | I hate birds.

16:04 @kvetchingyenta I get the palest one and it's still too dark. The shade-adjusting foundations work best, but still. #
16:07 I'm going to take my first college writing class in fourteen years or so four months after self-publishing my first book. Weird. #
16:08 Oh, and I'm hoping to have the first Books of Boggs posted by my b-day (9/29). #
16:48 Someone needs to explain to folks like Rick Perry that plastic milk jugs next to minimart registers are an appalling health care system. #
16:49 I applied fake nails before, because what I really wanted to do this weekend is relearn how to type. #
19:16 Dear rest of the world: If Bachmann gets nominated, pls invade. We've clearly had an accident + are unable to care for ourselves. #
19:29 I don't know about you guys, but I've been waiting far too long for Wyld Stallyns to come to fruition and take over the planet, damn it. #
19:31 @decontextual You'd think so, and YET ... #
20:03 That's depressingly apt. RT @houx Holy moly, THE TOY would make an interesting double feature with THE HELP. #
20:07 @Margoandhow She'd totally call that sexist. Never mind she should know by now people would say the same thing if it were her husband. #
21:13 Dear GOP candidates: If you know what you're talking about, there's no such thing as a "gotcha" question. #
21:16 I'm trying to grow out my hair so it looks like the cut in my icon again. Unfortunately, I have reached Defcon Hermione Mullet. #
22:15 My parents taught me where babies come from by putting a where-babies-come-from book in my to-read pile when I was seven. #
22:16 It's possible that method of learning where babies come from only works for me, though. #
22:20 Also I started reading books on disasters, Stephen King, + romance not long after. I feel this explains far too much about how I turned out. #
22:24 I saw a new copy of The Stand on sale the other day and nearly bought it. I have the paperback, ebook, + audiobook. I need intervention. #
22:30 Cat Rule #1: If the cat jumps into your lap looking for a pet, you must pet him until he leaves on his own. #
22:31 Cat Rule #2: You and the cat are on the bed. There are two blankets. You may have the other one. #
22:33 Cat Rule #3: Is that your roast beef sandwich? (Hint: The answer is always no. Especially if you're dumb enough to turn away.) #
22:41 Cat Rule #4: The moment you think, "Huh, the cat hasn't thrown up in a while," the cat will throw up. It's the pet version of the Game. #
22:53 @jessetyler Aaaand now I can't stop picturing the Modern Family cast with superpowers. :D #
07:11 HA! RT @TheDailyEdge: Marcus Bachmann Apologizes fr Shoving CNN's Don Lemon at State Fair: "I Acted Like a Barbarian. It Won't Happen Again" #
07:57 Oh, a real article made the Onion. t.co/RqESBE0 New GOP Strategy Involves Reelecting Obama, Making His Life Even More Miserable #
08:03 Pawlenty's dropping out. Great. Now how do we get everybody else to drop out? #
08:06 I don't think Bachmann is crazy. I think she's mean, cruel, heartless and selfish. I'd prefer crazy. #
08:16 @Arianna8927 I sometimes wonder what it must be like being THAT paranoid of Muslims. #
10:06 Dear GOP candidates: "I'm not the current president" didn't work for you as a strategy in 2008. Why do you seriously think it'll work now? #
10:22 @Ceilidhann @cleolinda Their approval ratings are plummeting but you can always bet on the GOP to ignore things they don't want to hear. #
10:34 @cleolinda I honestly don't think the TP will stop being irritating unless Bachmann wins the nom + loses spectacularly next year. Even THEN. #
10:39 @simonpegg I agree! I changed my cell phone wallpaper to this yesterday and it makes me smile every time I see it. :) t.co/UtqSMF7 #
11:01 "RT @Karoli: Bachmann: I wouldn't default but wouldn't raise the debt ceiling. This answer is just insane." But ... but ... oh, never mind. #
11:05 @EricBoehlert I love when she called the issue frivolous. I'm sure the gay men and women affected by her bigotry think it's WAY frivolous. #
13:22 @OTOOLEFAN Because of course nuking other countries doesn't affect us at all. #
13:31 "RT @thinkprogress: Bachmann: I "probably would' reinstate DADT because it "worked very well" Ugh, this fucking bigot. #
13:38 I wonder how Marcus Bachmann's therapy could work so well when his best advice to his patients to cure gayness would be, "Marry my wife." #