(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

Let me get this straight ... Jennifer Lopez's mother wins $2.4 million in Atlantic City, and I've got ten bucks to my name?! You know what I'm reminded of? That scene in "Hot Shots" when Charlie Sheen goes to the funeral and gives the widow his life savings of $2,500, and she says, "Why, with the three million that I won on this Lucky Lotto ticket, I can take this $2,500 and just blow it all on hats." Hey, just when you think Fate's a dirty rotten foul-smelling whore, she goes and does something to prove she's doing it all for the crack.

EDIT: Okay, so maybe referring to Fate as a dirty rotten foul-smelling crack whore isn't going to get me on her good side. Which do you think is a less insulting nickname, "Mealy-Mouthed Crotch Pheasant" or "Festering Pile of Elephant Afterbirth"?

SON OF EDIT: You're right. When in doubt, always use the endearment Stewie came up with.

BRIDE OF EDIT: It occurs to me if I stopped insinuating God has sex with teddy bears and Fate's fucking with my life for her next hit, I might win $2.4 million dollars to spend on hats. Of course, then I'd have to give birth to Jennifer Lopez. I don't think I can figure out which one of those is the lesser of two evils.

PIZZA DELIVERY GUY OF EDIT: Never mind, I figured it out. I'll stick with the God porn, thanks.

ANNOYING CO-WORKER IN THE NEXT CUBICLE OF EDIT: Do you think there's a special section in Hell for people who slash God and/or Jesus? Kind of like much less inhibited yentas with sex toys. "Hey, you were the one who said to love your neighbor. Is it wrong I think you should do it in leather pants?"

IDIOT MONKEY-BOY PRESIDENT OF EDIT: I think I need to stop eating Cheetos before bed, as my mind goes to bad places. Like Jesus' bedroom.

PSYCHOTIC PAPERBOY OF EDIT: You know, Jesus' Bedroom would make a great band name.

Okay, I'll shut up now.

Also, Dear Colin Powell ... to use my favorite tell-off -- fuck you, the horse you rode in on, the guy who made the saddle, the little girl who fed it apples, and the old coot who owns the horse farm.

Oh, and muffytaj? I fixed it. :)

Comments

[zeelee-penguin.livejournal.com]

GRRR. 'Cause it's not enough that they make laws prohibiting freedom of speech among the citizens, they have to go and whine about politicians being too darned meeeaan--never mind that it's kind of a politician's JOB to, you know, talk about politics.

And you know, if Bush was doing his job right in Iraq, politicians questioning his policies wouldn't hurt the 'war effort' one bit.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I want to know when some other country is going to liberate us from our annoying dictator. Maybe if we begged the Canadians to come and burn down the White House again. No one would ever see it coming, because it's not like anybody in this country actually reads history books. And hey, I'll bring the makings for the S'mores. :)

[lil1pinay.livejournal.com]

As if JLo's mother needed the money. I need the money. Hello! Poor starving college student!

And life continues to kick my ass.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

What makes it twice as annoying is all the shit J.Lo used to give Ben for gambling. (Which is stupid anyway because he's got plenty of money to waste, he had a good time and tipped well, and he even played for charity on FX that one time, so it just made him look good and her look like a shrew.) So apparently it's wrong when her rich boyfriend does it with his money but perfectly okay if her own mother does it with what I can only assume is Jen's money.

Okay, rant over. :)

[milkshake-b.livejournal.com]

I wonder, would it be on a lower level, a higher level, or the same level as the special section of Hell for people who slash the Devil? I suppose it would depend on who was doing the sorting. It could even be the same section, in which case, hi. Welcome to Our Very Special Section of Inferno. I hope you're a good... hellmate? though I imagine you wouldn't be, as that would sort of defeat the purpose. Or maybe even if you are a good hellmate, wet towels will still be left on the floor and dirty dishes will pile up in the sink all by themselves.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

The people who slash the Devil get their very own... private section. Where they are shown, in elaborate detail, just... the right (wrong?) way the sex scene should have gone.

The people who write, say, the Devil/Jesus, on the other hand... Well, I don't know. Maybe there's a worse pickup line than, "Hey. You and me. We could hit brotherly and father-son incest in one shot." And their, um, torture period is heavy on the role play?

[isabeau.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

*revives* *gives you chocolate* *dies again*

heeeee.

I think you should continue eating Cheetos before bed. But possibly not Cheetos in bed, 'cause all that orange stuff in your bed? Possibly not the best thing.

[unscriptedwords.livejournal.com]

Let me get this straight ... Jennifer Lopez's mother wins $2.4 million in Atlantic City, and I've got ten bucks to my name?!

I just saw that on the news... I feel really, really screwed over for some reason... The last time I was in Vegas (almost three years ago) they threw me out of the casinos because I was only 20... and they give Jennifer Lopez's mother 2.4 million? Not fair.

[insaint.livejournal.com]

I'm sure she's older than 20, though...

[unscriptedwords.livejournal.com]

But the question is, with all the plastic surgery she can buy with $2.4 million, is she going to look older than 20 when it's all over...

[insaint.livejournal.com]

Probably. Long-term, she'll have the Michael Jackson syndrome. ;)

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

ANNOYING CO-WORKER IN THE NEXT CUBICLE OF EDIT: Do you think there's a special section in Hell for people who slash God and/or Jesus? Kind of like much less inhibited yentas with sex toys. "Hey, you were the one who said to love your neighbor. Is it wrong I think you should do it in leather pants?"

I really hope so. I think that it would be far more fun than, say gorging myself on cheesecake for all eternity.

Demon: Haha! You will be forced to read about supernatural beings doing it in funky positions until your eyes explode!
Me: Oh, no! The Eval!!! ...Also, we might be here a while.

And then there's the company. Hey, if one includes angel-slash on the list of unforgivable sins, practically my whole fandom will be there. We could get together on alternate Tuesdays and discuss various... tortures over drinks.

Demon: No, it's okay. I've got it figured out now. Ahem. You will read nothing but NC-17 Mary-Sues with bad grammar for the rest of eternity!
Me: Well... well, it could be worse, right?
Demon: In the popslash fandom!
Me: Argh! Oh God, no!!
Demon: I think it's about time for an Evil(tm) laugh right here. How about you?

[gwen-louise.livejournal.com]

**tears of laughter running down face** Is it bad I'm hoping someone will write Jesus fic in the Paring List That Ate Fandom challenge?

Just curious

[reneekytokorpi.livejournal.com]

Just on a unrelated side note, I like your current icon. What's the reference/who is it?

I'll go do my homework now, instead of enjoying your LJ. Bah, life. ^_~

Re: Just curious

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Just on a unrelated side note, I like your current icon. What's the reference/who is it?

Thanks. :) crantz has an icon with a Ken doll in regal attire that says, "Fuck you, I'm a elf princess!" (which I adore), and it goes back to that. The guy's Drew Fuller, who plays Chris the half-witch, half-whitelighter on Charmed (hence the witch reference). He's so pretty and serious in that picture, he was kinda asking for it. ;)

[thenetwork.livejournal.com]

I never laughed so hard in the morning.

*smooch*

Thank you.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

oh goody, i´ve been wondering what to call my etateta-s, thanks for that ©bride-of-edit© idea *lol*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

*snerk* And the great thing is if you're creative, you could keep doing that all day long. My next one was going to be "Closeted Gay Boogeyman of Edit," but I broke my brain and ran out of stuff to say. :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

oh yesssssss. i´ve got some rl ones to go with that - "aging short-sighted hooker living nextdoor to edit" ... and don´t forget about the animal kingdowm (pets, bugs, fleas) ...

*hands you some glue*

[harpie84.livejournal.com]

*trying to stifle 3 a.m. giggles*

I am SO going to get in trouble with my neighbor for this latest spat of giggles. Thanks TP :-)

[bluesteelstars.livejournal.com]

How in the world does J.Lo's mom get to win?? grrrr.

Your entry has definitely put a smile to my face this morning. Jesus' Bedroom??? SO GREAT! :)

[randomfrog.livejournal.com]

Blegh squared- and I've always considered Colin Powell one of the more tolerable members of the Bush Admin...