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[apocalypsos]

Let me get this straight ... Jennifer Lopez's mother wins $2.4 million in Atlantic City, and I've got ten bucks to my name?! You know what I'm reminded of? That scene in "Hot Shots" when Charlie Sheen goes to the funeral and gives the widow his life savings of $2,500, and she says, "Why, with the three million that I won on this Lucky Lotto ticket, I can take this $2,500 and just blow it all on hats." Hey, just when you think Fate's a dirty rotten foul-smelling whore, she goes and does something to prove she's doing it all for the crack.

EDIT: Okay, so maybe referring to Fate as a dirty rotten foul-smelling crack whore isn't going to get me on her good side. Which do you think is a less insulting nickname, "Mealy-Mouthed Crotch Pheasant" or "Festering Pile of Elephant Afterbirth"?

SON OF EDIT: You're right. When in doubt, always use the endearment Stewie came up with.

BRIDE OF EDIT: It occurs to me if I stopped insinuating God has sex with teddy bears and Fate's fucking with my life for her next hit, I might win $2.4 million dollars to spend on hats. Of course, then I'd have to give birth to Jennifer Lopez. I don't think I can figure out which one of those is the lesser of two evils.

PIZZA DELIVERY GUY OF EDIT: Never mind, I figured it out. I'll stick with the God porn, thanks.

ANNOYING CO-WORKER IN THE NEXT CUBICLE OF EDIT: Do you think there's a special section in Hell for people who slash God and/or Jesus? Kind of like much less inhibited yentas with sex toys. "Hey, you were the one who said to love your neighbor. Is it wrong I think you should do it in leather pants?"

IDIOT MONKEY-BOY PRESIDENT OF EDIT: I think I need to stop eating Cheetos before bed, as my mind goes to bad places. Like Jesus' bedroom.

PSYCHOTIC PAPERBOY OF EDIT: You know, Jesus' Bedroom would make a great band name.

Okay, I'll shut up now.

Also, Dear Colin Powell ... to use my favorite tell-off -- fuck you, the horse you rode in on, the guy who made the saddle, the little girl who fed it apples, and the old coot who owns the horse farm.

Oh, and muffytaj? I fixed it. :)

Comments

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

*snerk* And the great thing is if you're creative, you could keep doing that all day long. My next one was going to be "Closeted Gay Boogeyman of Edit," but I broke my brain and ran out of stuff to say. :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

oh yesssssss. i´ve got some rl ones to go with that - "aging short-sighted hooker living nextdoor to edit" ... and don´t forget about the animal kingdowm (pets, bugs, fleas) ...

*hands you some glue*