Help! Help!

[apocalypsos]

A big, typically-me plot-twisty "Pirates of the Caribbean" fanfic idea is jumping up and down on my head! *user swats at the plot idea with a rolled-up newspaper, but to no avail*

Damn it, I'm not allowed to write a fanfic where Jack turns out to be Bootstrap through some weird loophole in the curse. Go on, tell the fanfic idea, would you? It'll listen to you! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ...

*user runs away from the idea in the general direction of her original characters, hoping that her British rastafarian vampire comes out of the shadows and smites its ass*

Comments

[tree220.livejournal.com]

how about a compromise . . . have your British rastafarian vampire meet a pirate. *g*

Re:

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Don't even get me started about how while I was watching the movie, I kept thinking, "You know, if we leave the dreadlocks on him, take off all the pirate crap, and toss him into a Grateful Dead T-shirt and some cords ..."

Mmmmm ... of course, there was the part of my brain that went a bit slashy when I started thinking that way, but then Gabriel smacked me upside the head and said that he had better standards than Captain Jack Sparrow. Personally, I think he's turned off by the name. ;)

Re:

[tree220.livejournal.com]

how about he's Gabriel's long lost brother? Jack of course is the black sheep of the family.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

God, that presents a mental image, doesn't it? Gabriel pushing his way into passage on the Black Pearl with Ash in tow, totally ignoring Jack's and the crew's protests ...

Jack: "But Gabriel, I simply can't --"

Gabriel: "Don't make me tell your crew about how Mom used to dress you up for Easter Sunday."

Jack: "Yes, well ... *ahem* ... I still don't think it's a good idea, seeing as how it turned out the last time the undead were onboard."

Crew member: "And women are bad luck on a ship!"

Ash: "You don't know me, do you? I'm bad luck everywhere. Why should a leaky old boat be any different?"

And then of course, by the end of the trip, Ash will have slept with Gabriel, Jack Sparrow, and Will, regardless of whether or not Will's onboard, and ends up feeling so guilty about ruining Will's marriage to Elizabeth, having consolation sex with Jack Sparrow thinking he's Gabriel, and having make-up sex with Gabriel for the pirate sex, that she gives up all pretense and all of a sudden I find myself writing professional pirate/vampire/blacksmith/warlock porn.

And then Jack Warwick shows up and kills Jack Sparrow for using his name while acting like Keith Richards' and Pepe le Pew's love child. Then he kills Will for looking for him as a brunette. And then he and Gabriel wander off to have hot monkey totally-out-of-canon sex before they suddenly find out through a strange turn of events spurred on by a crazed Ash that Jack is really Gabriel and Charity's long-lost baby, who was really a boy, who Beth Agnes arranged to have shuffled through the time stream after seeing "Titanic" for the five millionth time and being turned down by Leonardo DiCaprio and his stand-in. Again.

Hee. I can make this crap up forever, you know. And start dragging in T3, X2, and LXG references, while I'm at it. But I think today I'll use my powers for good instead of evil. :) *user tries to fake innocent and fails miserably*