(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

You know, maybe I'll get lucky tomorrow, and I'll go into work, and for the first time in a week, Bosslady will not dress me down for doing anything wrong. It's like she only got to yell at me a handful of times since I started working there a year ago (ACK! A whole year already?!), and she's using up the rest of her yelling quota before she leaves work next week. (ACK! Next week already?!)

Of course, you realize that once she leaves, I have to stop being Primo Slacker #1 and start acting like Responsible Attempted Deliveries Coordinator, and I'm not sure I can do that. For example, today I had to deal with a customer service rep who was going between Dell (the shipper) and DHL playing that game you do with your parents when you're a kid and you want to do something and you keep getting "Ask your mother" or "Ask your father". So you keep going back and forth between the two until you finally go to the weaker link and tell them the other one said it was okay, and usually, you end up getting the ice cream or the pony ride before you get your butt spanked for lying.

In summation ... um, I don't think the Responsible Attempted Deliveries Coordinator story was supposed to end with an unconscious customer service rep and me standing over him with a baseball bat with my chest heaving from overexertion and the cops surrounding me with guns blazing. And yet, there it is. *hides the body*

Oh, and for those of you who don't have access to the funny that is Don & Mike, today they interviewed a guy who said he talks to Jesus and Jesus said he wants President Bush to win the presidential election. In fact, according to this guy, he and/or his wife also spoke with John Lennon, JFK, FDR, Elvis, and Abbott & Costello, and they all want us to vote for Bush, too, because if we don't and John Kerry becomes the president, everything will die. No, seriously, everything will die, even cockroaches and Dick Clark. And in one hundred years, all that will be left of the planet will be a big ball of mud. The upside, though, is that we'll make a nice profit from the stuff and when Jayne Cobb shows up, we can sing him folk songs and worship his hat collection.

In any event, remember, folks, this is President Bush's constituency. Afraid yet? (Okay, okay, it's not all of his constituency. But it's definitely the most amusing one. :))

Also, they interviewed people standing in line in DC to audition for "American Idol". That was the second time today I was terrified for the future of humanity, right after the Jesus guy.

I'm sorry, but I don't really think Jesus gives a shit about the presidential elections. Quite frankly, I have an easier time believing he's going to spend this Election Day going on a Skee-Ball sabbatical with his dad. Hey, it's a really adorable mental image, isn't it? Bud Cort!God and Jesus, walking hand in hand down the boardwalk, God holding the kid's balloons and Jesus trying to eat his cotton candy without getting any in his hair. It's so sweet and so incredibly fucking blasphemous all at the same time.

...

Hey, it was only the one strawberry daquiri, I swear.

EDIT: Why didn't anybody tell me about apocalypse_latr?! All of you are fired. Or at least, glared at in a frustratingly cute manner.

SLEEKLY MUSCLED BOYTOY OF EDIT: After much consideration of hot Olympics photos, I would like to borrow either Ian Thorpe or the Hamm boys when no one else is using them. ("If" is not a consideration, because if this were a real offer, everyone would be using them.) I can't possibly decide between them, though. For one thing, Ian Thorpe has an accent. Then you have the Hamms. There are two of them and they're both my size. I shall have to ponder this further.

Comments

[budclare.livejournal.com]

I love you for working Jayne into that scenario. *is a little teary-eyed...with glee*

[mystic-savage.livejournal.com]

Jesus may not care about the US Presidency, but I'm pretty sure he cares deeply about American Idol.

[derryderrydown.livejournal.com]

Just to push you a little towards the Thorpe side, may I point you towards the photos contained in this post?

[wer-bin-ich.livejournal.com]

Thorpe is super hot, but I'd go with the twins. I mean, they're twins! You could have lots of fun with them, and when you are done- bendable toys!

[wer-bin-ich.livejournal.com]

I mean posable...but they sure are bendy. :-)

[sabra-n.livejournal.com]

As long as they don't open their mouths- did you hear Paul Hamm talking?

[sagejupiter.livejournal.com]

Did ya get the feeling like he huffed some helium right before the interviews?

I know I did *smirk*

[wer-bin-ich.livejournal.com]

Oh god yes. It was a bit scary. Luckily he's cute.

[cmstephens.livejournal.com]

If I'd met you about five years ago, I'd still be able to point you towards an Ian Thorpe website a (then-)friend of mine had...

[limegreen-sloth.livejournal.com]

I could've pointed you to my own site. Complete with self insert fanfiction. Shame. Even scarier, I could probably still list his vital stats. Yes I am I swimming groupie, why do you ask?

...

Ban bodysuits!

[cmstephens.livejournal.com]

One thing I think is interesting is that, had he not forgotten his camera in his hotel room, he probably would've been killed in the 9/11 attacks. Hooray for forgetfulness!

Ian Thorpe

[liamere.livejournal.com]

Am I the only one who thinks he looks out of proportion? Broad shoulders, huge feet... and tiny, tiny little head by comparison.

Although, apparently it's not as bad in RL.

[http://users.livejournal.com/___destijl/]

So that means Kitajima is wide open? :)

I haven't actually been watching the Olympics, but after this (http://www.livejournal.com/users/___destijl/29922.html?thread=185314#t185314) appeared magically in the comments of my LJ...

[chapatti.livejournal.com]

I hear ya!
The amount of eye candy in the Olympics, especially in the swimming and gymnastics competitions, is pretty incredible. ;))

[muffytaj.livejournal.com]

Thorpe doesn't have an accent! *you* do!

[tinylegacies.livejournal.com]

Y'know... I was watching part of the men's all-around last night and I was thinking gee, it would be kind of fun to have sex with a male gymnast... they can move and control their bodies in the most amazing ways...

Just thought I'd share...

Ian Thorpe is hot also though. I love the Olympics :)

[tree-pretty.livejournal.com]

6 foot 3 is just your size???

You're a monster!!

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

No, no, the Hamms are just my size. I'll have to climb several ladders to reach Thorpe.

[tree-pretty.livejournal.com]

Okay, good - just checking...

Personally, I'd take Thorpe, but that could just be my country-pride talking...

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I'll take any of them. I'm not picky. :)

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

You've seen this photo of Ian Thorpe, right?

[opportunemoment.livejournal.com]

I don't see why saying that God would enjoy a game of Skee-Ball with little!Jesus is particularly blasphemous, not unless there's something really sinister about Skee-Ball (I wouldn't know, until I saw Dogma I'd never heard of it, England being the Skee-Ball-less place it is). It's cute. If I said God was a git, that would be blasphemous. But God likes Skee-Ball and Jesus likes candyfloss?
So that was the random me not getting religion thought for this evening.
Yay for the pretty swimmers!