Oh, so THAT'S the reason I don't read LKH anymore.

[apocalypsos]

So I wandered over to The Book Spoiler and read the spoiler for LKH's Incubus Dreams.

...

...

...

Oh, for fuck's sake.

*headsmack*

EDIT: I'm listening to a retro Internet radio, and "The Girl is Mine" by Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney just played. Listening to those two lyrically fight over a girl is my new nightmare.

Also, now it's "When You Get Caught Between the Moon and New York City". Hmph. I need to buy Arthur on DVD. And also, to change the radio station.

Comments

[kutsuwamushi.livejournal.com]

*GIGGLESNORT*

[musyc]

Laurel K. Hamilton no longer writes horror. She writes porn. I kept threatening to move her books into the sex section back at Borders.

I'm fine with all the sex in the Merry Gentry series because the character started out that way. With Anita? It feels like she's betrayed the character and the person we knew Anita to be. That, plus the idea that Micah(?) is actually based on her husband (Mary Sue! Mary Sue!) makes me want to fling the books far, far away.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

You know what I just realized? The "Somebody FUCK already" that the characters on Lost, House, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Smallville need? Anita's hogging every blessed drop of it.

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

Well, no wonder I found several brand-new copies in the library book sale for one dollar.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I can remember picking up one in college and getting totally hooked. And I can remember the precise moment I got sick of them, too ... waaaaay before it turned into porn.

It was when yet again, just like in every other book, Anita spent fifty pages or so dithering over whether to pick Jean-Claude or Richard and "Oh, woe is me! Two hot guys want to fuck me! *swoons*", and then she'd get injured and/or have to show off her scars, and in every single book, she always made a crack about, "Well, I'm going to die by the time I'm thirty." Well, if you're going to die by the time you're thirty, then why the hell do you keep whining about your sex life? Nail 'em both! Have an orgy! Who gives a shit?

*grrrr* Man, she's annoying. (And before anybody asks, "Anita or Laurell?", the appropriate answer is, of course, "Since when are they two different people?")

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it. Jesus, I have people on my friends list who could write me better porn than that.

[fireborn.livejournal.com]

I remember that spoiler well. I never did read the book, but.... Hell, I suspect you'll appreciate this. I took the Municipal Liaison position in Pittsburgh again last NaNoWriMo, which means basically I was the WriMo herder for this area. We did a couple meetups throughout the month of November, and this one weekend we had two of them, Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon. Both of them were in Squirrel Hill, one of the city neighborhoods, and both of them were right near a Barnes and Noble, so being that NaNoWriMo people often tend to be book junkies as well, we all ended up in the B&N. (There's a funny story here involving the incredible florescence of my Municipal Liaison shirt as well, but that's not on the topic.)

Anyway, we were poking around the SF/F book section and I spotted Incubus Dreams, flipped it open at random, read the first sentence I saw, and promptly laughed so hard I was nearly sick all over the nice B&N carpet, probably causing worry to the rest of the WriMos watching me. (The sentence in question involved the phrase, or something near like it, "You're the one who just sprayed all over me!" As someone put it: this is the book where LKH discovered female ejaculation.)

Thus was promptly born a game: take two or three books, one of which must always be a LKH, Incubus Dreams by preference, flip it open at random, and read aloud the first sentence you come to. It worked particularly well with the LKH, Lovecraft, and Stephen R Donaldson combo, for some reason.

We laughed ourselves sick both times, and both times we stopped playing when a sentence was hit that was so bad that the reader couldn't manage it without laughing hysterically and had to pass the book to someone else.

The first night?

"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, please, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me." (Approximately. It may have sprouted a few extra 'fuck me's in the telling, memory being fickle and all.)

The second afternoon?

"Fuck me, Jean-Claude, fuck me while I'm still tight!"


After all that I felt a lot better about Incubus Dreams.

[dhaunea.livejournal.com]

"Is it real or is it Memorex bad amateur pr0n?"

*twitches madly*

Way back when... I liked those books. I stopped reading them about... four or five books ago and just never looked back.

Mary Sue Anita Blake is just too damn annoying for words.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_redpanda_/]

Oh my fucking GOD indeed. My eyes glazed over, I couldn't finish even the spoiler...can we tip back a shot every time the words "have sex" are used?

[brigidsblest.livejournal.com]

Wow. She's not even trying to disguise it with plot anymore, is she?

[laughingrat.livejournal.com]

Wow, I could actually feel my brain bleeding as I read that.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

(The sentence in question involved the phrase, or something near like it, "You're the one who just sprayed all over me!" As someone put it: this is the book where LKH discovered female ejaculation.)

*is dead* I may have had the exact same reaction, frighteningly enough.

Maybe she's trying to write a satire and we're not just getting the joke. *scratches head*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

A shot may be too much. We may have to resort to simply taking sniffs of the alcohol in the bottle.

[penmage.livejournal.com]

You know what's sad? That I now like the Merry Gentry books more than the Anita books, because they have more plot. That's what's sad.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

The scary thing is, I think she really is trying to disguise it with plot. *shudders*

[silent-sybil.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes, so that was why I wasn't even remotely tempted to read that one. She posts a chapter or two from each book on her website before publication, and I read about a page and was so disgusted I couldn't go on. The spoiler was a great laugh.

It's sad, though, because I got hooked on Anita Blake two years ago (having already read one of the Merry Gentry ones and been... confused, but a little intrigued, by it). The second book was the first one I read, and I loved it-- my favorite part was where the zombie came in through the window, and when she killed it she got zombie guts all over her penguin collection. She had quirks, she kicked ass, she lived alone. Things were better then. *nostalgic sigh*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I know. I can remember getting hooked on the first few in college back when they didn't suck. They were so cool back then. *sigh*

[budclare.livejournal.com]

*wipes tears of laughter from her eyes*

She's certainly in touch with her inner pervert. (And also touched in the head.)

[sabra-n.livejournal.com]

I'm listening to a retro Internet radio, and "The Girl is Mine" by Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney just played. Listening to those two lyrically fight over a girl is my new nightmare.

Say whatwho? Please 'splain. Before my little head explodes.

-blue

[ficangel.livejournal.com]

Saying "Oh, for fuck's sake" is...strangely ironic at this juncture.

*sighs* And she has so much talent, too, if only her editors dared to call her on her excesses any longer. The last LKH book I can remember reading and liking was...Cerulean Sins? The big Edward-centric book before it all just went to hell.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Saying "Oh, for fuck's sake" is...strangely ironic at this juncture.

*snerk* I only realized that after I posted it. ;)

[thornsilver]

The one where she has to go to New Mexico or somewhere to deal with stuff? That's "Obsidian Butterfly". But, honestly, after "The Lunatic Cafe" the sort of go downhill a lot.

[thornsilver]

You'd think she'll start to chafe at some point.

[killerweasel.livejournal.com]

heeheeheeheehee

Glad I'm not the only one who noticed that all of a sudden the books went from good to pwp- only her books are more just porn, and quite frankly I think I could write better smut than her and maybe I even have in my rpgs. lol

Cerulean Sins I was hoping would be better than the previous one, and I read it and read it and read it, getting more and more disgusted with each sex-filled chapter, wondering where the damn plot would pop up. Except, it never did. Or maybe got mentioned on like one page in a single sentence. I was like, WTF? If I want porn, I'll read lj! :P

Bah!

But, there was one line I did like- something about 'accidental sex as if she'd tripped and fallen only to land on an errection'.

[mayatawi.livejournal.com]

Is that Mexican pr0n, or is it Sears pr0n?