Slushie, STAT!

[apocalypsos]

So, yeah. I'm just minding my business trying to get my work done before when this lady calls and asks when her package is getting delivered. I check the computer and see I returned it yesterday. She gets pissy and says she gave the correct address to the Glorified Optimist, who did what he always does and gave me a printout with the new address on it rather than entering it in the computer like he's supposed to. But whatever ... I should have updated it because of the printout, but things got hectic and I lost it, and when I went to return packages and no one had responded on that envelope, I sent it back to the shipper.

Fast forward to today, when there is a spastic lady on the other end of the phone asking me what I'm going to do to get her package to her tomorrow and that she's not getting off the phone until I give her an answer other than, "I can't do anything from this end."

First off, telling me she's taking her business to FedEx isn't much of a threat, you know. If she wants to lower my stress level at work, she can knock herself out. Secondly, I can't do anything from this end. The package is currently on a truck in between stations. Hell, no one can do anything now, and yelling at me when I'm about two steps above the janitor is pretty fucking pointless.

So then she wanted me to call Lumbergh at home on a weekday at seven o'clock at night so that he could ... I don't know, make the entire company shut down so that the driver could bring the package to her house from Georgia or wherever the hell it is and kiss her feet in apology and feed her grapes or something. Needless to say, there was no way in Hell I was calling Lumbergh this late at night over one stupid package for a lady who wasn't trying to be all that calm about the whole thing. (And trust me, it wasn't a package worth getting spastic about.) Of course, she wanted me to call her back later on to get yelled at again -- yeah, that would happen -- but when I was waiting for the preset calling-back time of quarter to eight to come, I started trying out some excuses on everybody else. For example:

-- "Dear lady, I pulled out all of my teeth and the Tooth Fairy has yet to arrive to give me a ride to the truck."
-- "Dear lady, I've been practicing teleportation for the past forty-five minutes, and with a little more practice, I might make it farther than the bathroom."
-- "Dear lady, seeing as how I've been unable to do anything to stop the truck yet, I'm signing up for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I'll be back just as soon as they teach me how to freeze time and reverse the shipping industry."

*sigh* I need to eat cheesecake. Better yet, I need to eat cheesecake off Matthew McConnaughey's abs.

Comments

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

*pets you* Sounds like this should be posted at customers_suck...

[freedomfry.livejournal.com]

You mean these abs?



I concur. Cheesecake for everyone!

::gratuitous ab-spam::

[jldecker.livejournal.com]

mmm... ab-solutely.

can i join you two?

^-^

[jennimarie.livejournal.com]

Oh I so feel you on this one. I work at a UPS Store and while it sounds a lot like UPS it's not acutally the same thing. The packages don't get delivered to me, I have no control over the trucks, and I don't lose the packages shipped out of our store. But people don't quite get it when I tell them there is actually nothing I can do to find their missing package. So I let them yell at me and we make fun of them when they leave. It evens out in my head.

[minotaurs.livejournal.com]

Or maybe these abs?



(Sorry about the image size, I have a larger one somewhere, but I couldn't find it. And *yes* that is indeed a *male* hand hiding his package....)

[kijikun.livejournal.com]

cheesecake off Matthew McConnaughey's abs.

We all need that.

*sigh*

[seferin.livejournal.com]

Can't you just pass the buck to the optimist who screwed up? If he really is that optimistic, he should see it as a chance to help out a team member.