(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

I gave myself a break from editing The Monsters of Moosic at about nine-thirty and sat down with that new romance novel I picked up today. And I just got finished reading it. Good romance, but OMG MY EYES. *needs a nap*

Also got everybody who signed up to write for plan_9_from_lj for May set up with posting access, so that's one less thing I have to do.

Oh, and the missing-bride wedding fiasco is news why exactly? I mean, I know why -- because there isn't any other news for the media to focus on -- but what the hell? Stop giving this goofy moron all the attention she's begging for. Cold feet, my ass. It's one thing to be afraid of a wedding, it's another thing to fake your own abduction. And apparently, the wedding isn't cancelled, just postponed. Wouldn't you love to be at the reception for that wedding? If I were one of the guests who'd bought an expensive gift and arranged for airfare and hotel only for the bride to go batshit insane like this chick, I'd return the gift and use the money to replace it with a copy of It Happened One Night, a bus pass, and a gift certificate for the Hair Cuttery just to be a bitch.

EDIT: You know, the Pit's new policy on songfics would amuse me far more if it weren't for the fact that Ghost in the Shell has lyrics from a Linkin Park song in it. Soooooo I'm just going to be grateful I've got the story on my fic site and just make sure I save this lovely piece of truly awful reviewing before I delete the story off the Pit. (Who I might point out are biting themselves in the ass with this rule. 'Cause, really, don't post it if you didn't write it? What part of Fanfiction.net is confusing them, do you think?)

Anyway, the stupidest review I've ever received, and just remember that Ghost in the Shell was written in present tense:

Umm... Well, it was a great story idea, but I have a few suggestions that you should follow. First of all, it seems like you aren't very familiar with literature in general; you see, stories are supposed to be written in PAST tense only. No exceptions. If you don't believe me, read a few pages of any novel or short story ever published. Also, it's proper grammar to put spoken words in quotation marks, and that includes everything that Buffy is saying.
I really think you should follow these two simple rules. I'm not being a nit-picker, this is just basic stuff that every writer is expected to know. This is the kind of thing that you learn in every English class from 2nd grade on, and it's a little dissapointing that anyone could screw it up.
All in all, this story is good, but it is poorly written and lacks that smooth flow that every reader likes.
Just quit screwing up your basic writing skills and you'll be fine. :)

The mind, it boggles.

Oh, and ... hee. suaine, I just realized your review of GitS was right after this yahoo's patronizing idiocy well-informed review. (Well, one of them, anyway.) I'm amused again. :)

Comments

[dragonsinger.livejournal.com]

What book was it? I'm all about a good romance.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Dreams of Stardust, by Lynn Kurland. Most of her stuff's pretty much the same story over and over (how many dark-haired medieval warriors can you boost from the past without screwing with the gene pool of an entire country again?) and she never writes the sex (it's a lot of cutting away right about the time they decide to have the sex and then coming back waaaaay into the afterglow ... sheesh, I write more sex than she does and I'm a virgin), but those are the only real complaints I ever have with her stuff. She writes beautifully and has a nice flair for dialogue, and she does a really great job of tying together the characters in all of her books so that there's usually more than a few making cameo appearances in every new book.

[dragonsinger.livejournal.com]

I actually thought about picking up that book yesterday. Hmmm...might have to invest in it now.:D

[sabra-n.livejournal.com]

Of course there's other news for the media to focus on. It's just that yet another Iraq bombing, Taiwan opposition leaders talking to China for the first time, Syria resuming diplomatic relations with Iraq, and the big bombing in Cairo, to give a few examples, aren't interesting enough for the likes of our 24-hour news channels. Too many of those funny foreign names and countries that all too many people can't spot on a map.

-blue

[phillyexpat.livejournal.com]

Re: past tense. I'm guessing the reviewer has never read Bright Lights, Big City. That would really boggle their mind, especially since it's also written in second person POV.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

Wow. That reviewer is kind of a moron, huh?

Quick, somebody show them some postmodernist fiction and watch their head explode!

[anne-jumps.livejournal.com]

That review pisses me off.

[miggy.livejournal.com]

*stares at that review*

*a lot*

*in the present tense*

[florahart]

Yes! Every book! Except the ones that aren't.

And YES! Every English class! Except the ones where you don't learn that.

I realize my credentials may be bad. I do only have a degree in literature. And half a master's. And 32 years of history with the act of reading. Yes. I must be wrong.

Jeeze.

(Also, I must be wrong about the correct spelling of "disappointing.")

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Hee. The spelling of "disappointing" is the best part. :)

[loopychew.livejournal.com]

if it weren't for the fact that Ghost in the Shell has lyrics from a Linkin Park song in it

Every time I see "Ghost in the Shell," I think of the movie/manga/whatever by Masamune Shirow. So when I read this sentence, I just heard Motoko Kusanagi shouting, "CRAAAAAAWLING IIIIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIN!"

[sashimi-san.livejournal.com]

Heh, same here.

[lakidaa.livejournal.com]

...I just heardsaw the Tachikoma.

I'm going to go hit my head now. repeatedly.

[vass]

What part of Fanfiction.net is confusing them, do you think?

What you said.

Also, that review is BRILLIANT! Best stupid review evar. I especially like "that smooth flow that every reader likes." Beautiful.

[suaine.livejournal.com]

Oh, I miss the days when fanfiction.net was something like home... no wait, I don't really :D It is kind of clunky and infested with idiots.

Ah, but I miss my Buffy days. Heh- Ghost in the Shell is still among my top three fanfic stories of that year. *is nostlagic*

[phoebesmum.livejournal.com]

... it seems like you aren't very familiar with literature in general; you see, stories are supposed to be written in PAST tense only. No exceptions. If you don't believe me, read a few pages of any novel or short story ever published ...

???

?????????

??????????????

That may not seem like a particularly articulate response, but the verbal version went "What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fucking, fucking, fuck?" (/Jerry Springer: The Opera), and so "???????" - note quotation marks - is probably preferable.

[robyn-ma.livejournal.com]

Copy-and-pasting is fun:

Umm... Well, it was a lame review, but I have a few suggestions that you should follow. First of all, it seems like you aren't very familiar with reviewing in general; you see, stories AREN'T supposed to be written in PAST tense only. No exceptions. If you don't believe me, read a few pages of any novel or short story ever published. Also, it's a stylistic choice whether or not to put spoken words in quotation marks, and that includes everything that Buffy is saying.
I really think you should follow these two simple rules. I'm not being a nit-picker, this is just basic stuff that every reviewer is expected to know. This is the kind of thing that you learn in every English class from 2nd grade on, and it's a little dissapointing disappointing that anyone could screw it up.
All in all, this review is ass, but it is poorly written and lacks that smooth flow that every reader likes.
Just quit screwing up your basic reviewing skills and you'll be fine. :)

[sashimi-san.livejournal.com]

What is it about fanfiction.net reviewers? Even the ones that can spell sometimes turn out to be idiots.

I have to say I really admire your writing ... I don't write nearly as much as I should, because I can't seem to find the time. What's your secret?

[elessar.livejournal.com]

Hah I'd love to see this reviewer pick up the exceptions. Hello, there was no RULE TO WRITING STORIES. As long as you keep your tense and don't change it, it doesn't matter.

And as far as songfics go, it's reasons like that when I'm glad I don't post at ff.net anymore. I mean, technically you shouldn't be allowed to write fanfic for copyright issues, as long as you give credit. So as long as you give credit for the song, it should be fine. Oh the geniuses.

[dragonwhishes.livejournal.com]

Well. I guess this guy won't like any of the storied I'm trying to write, because quite a few times I go crazy with the writing because I'm trying to get a sense of insanity into the writing during those parts.

Wanna-be Author, out.

[nycdeb.livejournal.com]

oh good gads - that review is painful. it can't be real. No one can be that dumb, right? Please tell me no one can be THAT dumb.

[ficangel.livejournal.com]

I want to chase that reviewer down and start reading excerpts of every short story or novel in the present tense that I've ever read. I think we'd begin with 'Speak'.

And 'word' to the songfic bitchiness. 'Ashes, Ashes' has a few lines from a song at the beginning of every chapter, but I think I'm gonna be stubborn and wait for the story itself to be deleted. If using the freaking characters themselves falls under fair use, then so should this.

[othercat.livejournal.com]

Only in past tense? Um. Wasn't that one James Joyce novel written present tense? I could swear I've seen dozens of stories in past, present, and in one scary case future future tense. (As well as a confusing variety of persons.)