(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

Boosting this from conuly, because it's a damn good question.

People often ask for reccommendations of books/fics/fandoms. But, again, where are the memeish posts asking for books/movies/TV shows to stay far, far, far away from? That'd be considerably more useful, don't you think?

For me, I'd have to suggest never watching House of 1000 Corpses unless you specifically like been bludgeoned about the head with horrible filmmaking. Blech. (And I once got in an argument with a guy on a screenwriting website who thought it was a modern classic. I've never wished my keyboard had a "Slap other Internet user" button in my life.)

Okay, your turn. ;)

Comments

[dawning-star.livejournal.com]

Do not watch That Darn Cat or Big Jake under any circumstances. Four hours of my life I will never get back...

[conuly]

Wait, the original That Darn Cat? Because I grew up on that.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Me, too. Although if we're talking about the remake, I understand. Oh, boy, do I understand.

[conuly]

I hate all these stupid remakes. The Parent Trap did NOT need a remake. Cheaper by the Dozen did NOT need a remake (I'm not certain it needed a movie at all, but...) Very few remakes are anywhere near the quality of the original.

[dawning-star.livejournal.com]

I actually didn't mind the remake of Cheaper by the Dozen but it still didn't measure up to the original.

[ruuger]

Have you seen the trailer for the new Love Bug remake? Herbie: Reloaded or whatever it's called. I mean, the first remake at least had John Hannah and Bruce Campbell, but this one? *shudder* Why is Lindsey Lohan in every movie these days?

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

Bruce Campbell was in The Love Bug? So who died horribly in it? Was it a quirky modern retelling of "The Gold Bug"?

[ruuger]

In the 1997 tv-version, yes. I sometimes think I'm the only one who has ever seen the film, but luckily IMDb proves that I did not imagine that Bruce Campbell has been in a Disney movie.

And strangely enough, no-one died in it. At least I don't remember that anyone did.

[akacat]

Some remakes are good. I thought the Freaky Friday remake was better than the original.

[conuly]

Not one of the three (!) movies holds a candle to the book.

[conuly]

Oh, and Flubber? Travesty.

[dawning-star.livejournal.com]

*shudders* No argument there.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I must confess to liking the Parent Trap remake, but mostly because it was Lindsay Lohan before she became terrifying and Dennis Quaid looking very cute. But the original ... soooo much better.

[dawning-star.livejournal.com]

I was referring to the remake. Haven't seen the original. Eep.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Do not, under any circumstances, read the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. Actually, it should be called the WASTE of Time.

Never read anything by Terry Goodkind, either. Richard Rahl is a total Stu. Really. Let's examine the evidence:

* In the beginning of the first book, kills a quartet of uber-super-assassins single-handedly.

* He is the adopted son of a humble woods guide...

* ...while actually being the grandson of the First Wizard of the Old World and the bastard son by rape of the most evil wizard EVER.

* He is the first war wizard (a wizard possessing both Additive and Subtractive magic) in thousands of years.

* He is the only man ever who can touch Kahlan, the Mother Confessor, in a sexual way and not have his mind and will blasted from him.

* He is the Seeker of Truth and the Wielder of the Sword of Truth.

* He also ends up becoming the Emperor of D'Hara.

* He can do absolutely anything--woodcraft, magic, politics, art, medicine, diplomacy--despite having no training in anything but woodcraft.

* Has a multitude of dangerous siblings, many of whom are evil.

* Has escaped from a building enclosed in a space-time envelope that slowed the flow of time within that building, despite the fact that there was no way for him to do so. Goodkind mentions the impossibility of escape a number of times.

* Befriends a dragon. And rides her. This is also supposed to be impossible.

* Goes to the world of the dead (read: Temple of the Winds) to stop a plague. And returns to the world of the living.

* Every significant female character (with the exception of his half-sister) in the series is attracted to him. Three of these characters marry him, sequentially.

* He is said to be very handsome and rugged in appearance.

* He has a posse of dominatrixes called Mord-Sith who wear tight red leather outfits and who are COMPLETELY devoted and loyal to Richard. (Oh, and two of his most trusted dominatrixes are lesbians who are in love with each other.)

* Richard "tames" (Goodkind's word) these dominatrixes by making them go out in the park and feed chipmunks out of their hands. Supposedly it helps them to get in touch with the innocent girls they were before they were tortured for years into becoming Mord-Sith. One li'l chipmunk just makes all the traumatic memories and the stringent emotional conditioning go away. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

* His child has been prophesied to be a war wizard AND a Confessor AND a boy, which means, in terms of the series, that his child would be omnipotent, world-dominating and evil. Cue the angst.

* He has scored a number of victories over the Keeper of the Underworld (read: Devil).

* He has carved a statue of such astounding beauty that it inspired welfare-state empire subjects to bring hope, creativity and capitalism into their lives. The statue also caused a revolution when Richard destroyed it. I'm not making this up, either.

[saturnalia.livejournal.com]

Good god. I may have to read these now, out of a kind of train-wreck fascination.

[fyrdrakken]

I think of them as being in the same category as Mercedes Lackey: I don't claim they're good literature (and he can't write love scenes or even general affection between his hero and heroine worth a fuck), but they can be at least a diverting read if you go with the flow.

[lots42.livejournal.com]

Oh, bugger, I OWN some of these books. Haven't read 'em, but I own them.

P.S. Smart move there. Destroy the statue that has inspired peace and love throughout the land. What, was he drunk? "Fucking statue, here, there's some birdshit on it, let me use my powerful sword!"

CRASH.

"Oh...buttery fuck."

[fyrdrakken]

No, the whole point was to spark a revolution and he lucked out by being commissioned for the statue. And after the revolution he replaced the statue with one just as good.

[tv-elf.livejournal.com]

You Got Served. It's like Breakin 2: Electric Bugaloo, but worse.

[siegeofangels.livejournal.com]

Even if you read the first three or four Earth's Children books and liked them, do not under any circumstances pick up Shelters of Stone.

Even aside from the lather-rinse-repeat tedium of [Ayla starts a fire with a firestone] [Someone says, "How EVER did you make that fire so fast?"] ["I used a firestone. Here, try it!"] [*click, click, FOOM!*] ["Now I have the power, too! THANK YOU, Ayla!], everything else about the book is either boring or nerve-grating.

Endless Descriptions of Steppe: boring.
Ayla Being Right About Everything: annoying.
The Sex Scenes: boring.
The Horrible Euphemisms During Sex Scenes: annoying.
Ayla Gets Stoned: boring.
Ayla Is Perfect and OMG!SO HOT, Even Though In The Palaeolithic The Ideal Body Type Would Not Have Been "Thin": annoying.

Even if you're trying to put yourself to sleep, whacking yourself in the forehead with this book would be preferable to reading it.

[ex-zombieham605.livejournal.com]

Oh my GOD. I read that one and the first in the series, and had to burn Jean M. Auel in effigy.

[elessar.livejournal.com]

Don't watch Higher Ground unless you're just ogling Hayden Christensen. And even then, watch at your own risk.

Don't read The Return of the Native unless you want to take the book and bang it against your head a million times after one chapter.

And I would suggest extreme caution when watching Glitter. That was soooo painful I couldn't even finish watching it.

Oh, and if you ever decide to watch 'Manos: Hands of Fate' - I'd suggest the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 version. It makes the pain a lot less ;)

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I saw Glitter. If you skipped the end, you missed out on Mariah Carey driving directly from a concert in an Elvira-tight dress and FMQ 6-inch heels to a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere to meet her mother. Watching her try to waddle towards the door in a sexy way will haunt me the rest of my days.

[elessar.livejournal.com]

*shiver* I'm so glad I missed that, then ^_^

[phillyexpat.livejournal.com]

With her 50 year old cat!

[lots42.livejournal.com]

Don't read 'Catcher In The Rye'. It's so depressing it'd make Mother Theresea kick puppies.

[eleigh.livejournal.com]

I think I may be the only person ever to like The Return of the Native Had to read it in high school with a group of 3 others and they hated it. Of course I also wrote my favorite paper of all time comparing Diggory to Superman. I was quite proud of it.

However I would suggest to everyone to never ever read a book by Anne Tyler. Ever. I can't believe I read 2 of them.

[rachelmap.livejournal.com]

Don't read The Return of the Native unless you want to take the book and bang it against your head a million times after one chapter

In fact, stay away from Thomas Hardy's novels altogether--unless you LIKE being depressed. Ditto movies and TV series based on Thomas Hardy's novels.

[darqstar.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with you on House of 1000 Corpses. It was just so overwhelmingly bad that it never even made me the slightest bit frightened or spooked, I was just disgusted with the overindulgence of it. "Ooh, look at us recycle every hacked cliche and use them over and over again, until the sight of bodies and blood just make you yawn."

Of course the movie I hate the most in life is Pulp Fiction. I thought that movie blew wads. But, it has quite a following, so maybe I just didn't "Get it."

[paradisacorbasi.livejournal.com]

Ditto y'all on that.

[lots42.livejournal.com]

I like Pulp Fiction because I like stories of utter bastards just trying to do some good in life. And like in the movie, I've literally escorted untouchable women onto the dance floor.

[phillyexpat.livejournal.com]

Van Helsing. The pain. THE PAIN.

[ruuger]

I actually kinda liked Van Helsing. Of course, I like any movie that gives me the excuse to do my bad Gary-Oldman-as-Dracula impersonation.

Plus, Hugh Jackman in a leather coat = sexy.

[shoiryu.livejournal.com]

Van Helsing is made SOOOO much better with the addition of delicious, delicious slash.

[bunnymcfoo.livejournal.com]

...indeed, the pain. I nearly busted a rib with the hysterical laughing at it.


Most MST3Kable movie EVER.

[fyrdrakken]

Really, it's like a self-MSTing in that you can tell it was made by fans of cheesy old horror movies just having fun with the genre. Also pretty effects (I liked what they did with the vampires) and the heroine had a wardrobe I wanted to steal. Plus the afore-mentioned Hugh Jackman in leather (and shirtless at a few points).

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

"The Bloodsuckers", starring Patrick MacNee. Oh. My. God. It is the worst film I have ever seen, bar none. The thing that stuck out in my head was an "orgy" scene that only had two actors, filmed through a dragonfly-eye lens. Unbelievable. The A-list actors in this film must have really been hurting for money.

[lots42.livejournal.com]

That reminds me of the orgy scene in 'Eyes Wide Shut'. Not only did we not see anything fun, we learn, plot-wise, all the chicks are hookers.

Yawn. What's the point of an orgy if you just hire half the people?

I want an orgy with famous movie stars

[dragonsinger.livejournal.com]

I think we should definitely turn that into a meme. May I?

[lots42.livejournal.com]

Blair Witch 2.

OMG they're making fun of Blair Witch 1 they're so original!

Too bad that was the only spark of originallity in the whole damn flick.

[lakidaa.livejournal.com]

the Mirrodin Cycle of books in the MTG books. UGH SENSELESS.

also: the ONS books sucked.
uck.

The Dune books that are not named Dune. er. Don't Read the Sequels. Don't watch the movie either.

Don't read the sequels to Ender's Game. 9__9

...Don't play Orphen: the PS2 game. ARSE.

hmm. Don't Watch Boomerang, It'll make you feel OLD. (they show Secret Squirrel on it! ;___; I SO OLD.)

[conuly]

Nah, I liked the Ender's sequels, though I prefer the interquels, or whatever they're called.

[lakidaa.livejournal.com]

I didn't, mostly becuase it went from nice, plain ole' sci-fi to Things That Are 'Out There'.

[clex_monkie89.livejournal.com]

Don't watch Gothika. Or The Ring 2. Or The Darkness. Especially The Darkness, it's the only movie I remember ever going and asking for a refund for.

Don't read...damn. The book was so bad I don't remember it's name. Huh.

Don't ever watch Winx Club. Under any circumstances. ANY! It will destroy your sould. And not in the good Graveyard of the Fireflys way.

[wal-lace.livejournal.com]

Never watch Street Fighter. Just watch one of the Addams Family films instead, and think on the greatness of Raul Julia.

With no reasons...

[channonyarrow.livejournal.com]

No Dune. Never, ever, Dune. Not in a box, not with a fox, not in movie form, not in book form.

Of Saints and Shadows, a hopefully unknown book that is Simply. Ghastly.

Almost any movie that has a cult following, I will not like. Examples include Taxi Driver, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, Forrest Gump.

In fact, nothing by Quentin Tarantino. EVER.

Nothing, repeat, NOTHING in the Forgotten Realms setting, the Magic: The Gathering setting, or the current incarnation of Dragonlance. I proof these books for a living; trust me, they're awful.

Anything by R.A. Salvatore should just be destroyed. If it has Drizzt Do'Urden in it, DESTROY IT HARDER.