(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

There is a smell in the hallway outside the apartment that's the scent of three rotting corpses floating in a vat of rancid milk and twenty-year-old eggs. It's awful. And you can't smell it in the apartment at all, thank God, but I had to light some incense to get the taste out of my mouth. Now, that's bad. Ew, ew, ew. *yacks*

And because I was horribly amused by the cover of the new People at the 7-11, a poll:

[Poll #503165]

Comments

[wer-bin-ich.livejournal.com]

The whole thing weirds me out more than it should. Usually I'm just happy when others are happy (wait, am I turning into an optimist??), but when I heard about this a week ago, I just wasn't convinced.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I was trying to figure out what annoyed me most about the whole thing, because really, I don't give a shit, and I don't care who the hell they date, but then I figured out it's a combination of three things:

-- The two of them are exactly the same person with different sexual parts. Seriously.
-- I can picture entertainment executives talking about projects for each of them and saying, "Oh, we can't do that. Then nobody will like them!"
-- Tom Cruise is taking the opportunity of all the new publicity to act like a spaz on Oprah, bitch about psychiatrists, and lecture Brooke Shields about her post-partum depression treatments when it's entirely possible he's never actually seen a pregnant woman before.

Mostly, I just want to hit them both with sticks.

[wal-lace.livejournal.com]

She apparently claims to be a virgin. He claims to be straight. I'm only prepared to believe one of them.

But either way, he should really just get himself a shiny new Porsche. It would have exactly the same effect.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh, he's just trying to get into Christian Bale's pants through her and we all know it. ;)

[robyn-ma.livejournal.com]

You've got some inadvertent poetry here:

'The Awful Smell'
©2005, trollprincess

there is a smell in the hallway
outside the apartment
that's the scent of three rotting corpses
floating in a vat of
rancid milk
and twenty-year-old eggs.
it's awful.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

*snerk* My high school creative writing teacher would be so proud. ;)

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

My first thought when I heard about them was "...Ew. He could like be her dad."

[lots42.livejournal.com]

ANYONE who lectures anyone else about how they are getting depression treated should be thrown into a cold, algae entcrusted, peed on pool.

[lots42.livejournal.com]

He probably LIKES, as in likes-likes, her dad.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

He said something like she should have taken vitamins instead of anti-depressants or whatever she took for it. I kinda hoped she'd come forward and say, "I'll take vitamins when you get a medical degree."

[luna-k.livejournal.com]

Okay, I picked "are you serious" because it's obviously a publicity stunt to promote new movies/quell 20 year gay rumors. Still?

Yes. Aren't they cute? I bet they do each other's hair and gossip about boys all the time!

I totally wanted to pick that one. Hee!

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I still stand by my "hoping to get into Christian Bale's pants through her" theory. 'Cause, hell, I'd fake lesbianism with Katie Holmes if it meant I might get within a mile of Christian Bale.

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

Me too. How would getting into Katie Holmes's pants get him into Christian Bale's pants? Are they related?

How can I get into Christian Bale's pants? I've wanted him since I had a schoolgirl crush on him in Newsies, dude. Surely I have priority over Tom Cruise. And I'm taller than Tom Cruise by at least a good inch. That ought to count for something!

Who is Katie Holmes's dad, anyway?

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

She's in the new Batman movie with Christian Bale. At the very least, she'll be around the guy a lot for the next couple of months.

[vass]

I wanted to check all three boxes in that poll.

[vass]

You'd be more convincing than Tom Cruise faking lesbianism with Katie Holmes.

[prettyveela.livejournal.com]

She apparently claims to be a virgin. He claims to be straight. I'm only prepared to believe one of them.

lol that is such a metaquote!

[velocityboy.livejournal.com]

Katie Holmes wanted an Oscar. It's that simple.
The formula for decent actress who might never really launch is this:

1) Marry the monobrowed homosexual who dropped his pretty Greek last name in lieu of a verb that means "to skulk around looking to get laid"

2) Be photographed absolutely everywhere, doing absolutely everything, proclaiming how "in love" you are with each other.

3) Put out a handful of decent movies, noticing your fame increase with each one, purposefully making a BOMB like that Batman movie starring the Governor of California every once in a while so the public never confuses you with that perfect, somewhat evil former First Lady...

4) Make three films with the Gay Greek Thespian of Eyebrow Singularity. Let film #1 be absolutely stupid, say something about racecars. Screw chemistry, it's unimportant. Allow film #2 to be directed either by Opie from the Andy Griffith Show or Richie Cunningham from Happy Days. Either way, it will be a horrible movie, as neither were very good in their tv shows (we all know Aunt Bea and the Fonz rock, however, and the Fonz can direct...) For film three, choose an incredibly detail-oriented genius auteur.

5) after third film together, everything you do is Oscar-potential NIc- I mean Katie. Might I suggest you wear a cornflower Vera Wang to the first Academy Awards? Something pretty, yet subtle. Follow with this pattern: black, pale pink, pale green, cream, green, black, red. Eventually you will get your Oscar for your searing portrayal of literary legend, Judy Blume.

[drewbeartx.livejournal.com]

Aww, c'mon! They're bestest friends 4EVAR!

She's his "alternative lifestyle assistant" and a damn good beard, too.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

*snerk* She'd probably make for a better beard if so many of us weren't positive she was one. ;)

[vampirespider.livejournal.com]

Argh, argh, I did *not* need that mental image.

Pass the brain bleach?

[wer-bin-ich.livejournal.com]

Wow. Fuck you Tom Cruise. *shakes head*

[purple-smurf.livejournal.com]

The first episode of the new Doctor Who aired over here right as the story was breaking... and there's a line where the Doctor says that it'll never last -- he's gay and she's an alien. I didn't think of this relationship at all. Really.