(no subject)
Jun. 20th, 2005 08:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypsosDear Tom Cruise,
I just came back from the 7-11, where I saw on the cover of Entertainment Weekly that you think that everybody's annoyed by you because "they don't like to see people happy." No, you asstard, that's not why everybody's annoyed. Everybody's annoyed because we don't like to see people clinically psychotic.
Just some advice. You can be happy in a new relationship without bouncing around the room like a Tigger on crack. It's a couch -- sit on it. If you don't want people to think this is a publicity stunt, not proposing after two months, not dating someone fifteen years younger than you, and not flinging her around and showing her off like a new Oscar would probably be in order. You are not an OB-GYN, so stop giving Brooke Shields post-partum medication advice. And for God's sake, nobody cares about your stupid religion, unless this is all some secret plan to infiltrate the cult and fight the Scientology aliens when they arrive, in which case we'd buy it a hell of a lot more if you brought Will Smith with you.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Lindsay Lohan,
If you were trying to make it so that you looked like every other blonde bimbo so that I'd stop thinking you were pretty and wouldn't give a shit about you anymore, mission accomplished.
Sincerely,
Me
P.S. Remember that article a few years back, when you said you loved your red hair and freckles and would never change them? Maybe not, but I do, because the accompanying picture was stunning. Hmph. Moron.
********
In other news, Moriarty from AICN talks the X-Men movieverse fandom down from the ledge.
Also, I have to use this icon because this song's on my Zen now. Wheeeee. :)
EDIT: Porter Goss has an excellent idea where bin Laden is. Getting past the interpretation of 'excellent' I imagined yesterday, reading that makes me wonder if asking him for details wouldn't involve him pointing at a map of the solar system and saying, "I think he's somewhere around here." Also, Porter, hon? If you think he's on the Afghan-Pakistani border, that does not make you special. In fact, that's not even something you have to keep under wraps, because try finding someone who doesn't think he might be there.
I just came back from the 7-11, where I saw on the cover of Entertainment Weekly that you think that everybody's annoyed by you because "they don't like to see people happy." No, you asstard, that's not why everybody's annoyed. Everybody's annoyed because we don't like to see people clinically psychotic.
Just some advice. You can be happy in a new relationship without bouncing around the room like a Tigger on crack. It's a couch -- sit on it. If you don't want people to think this is a publicity stunt, not proposing after two months, not dating someone fifteen years younger than you, and not flinging her around and showing her off like a new Oscar would probably be in order. You are not an OB-GYN, so stop giving Brooke Shields post-partum medication advice. And for God's sake, nobody cares about your stupid religion, unless this is all some secret plan to infiltrate the cult and fight the Scientology aliens when they arrive, in which case we'd buy it a hell of a lot more if you brought Will Smith with you.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Lindsay Lohan,
If you were trying to make it so that you looked like every other blonde bimbo so that I'd stop thinking you were pretty and wouldn't give a shit about you anymore, mission accomplished.
Sincerely,
Me
P.S. Remember that article a few years back, when you said you loved your red hair and freckles and would never change them? Maybe not, but I do, because the accompanying picture was stunning. Hmph. Moron.
********
In other news, Moriarty from AICN talks the X-Men movieverse fandom down from the ledge.
Also, I have to use this icon because this song's on my Zen now. Wheeeee. :)
EDIT: Porter Goss has an excellent idea where bin Laden is. Getting past the interpretation of 'excellent' I imagined yesterday, reading that makes me wonder if asking him for details wouldn't involve him pointing at a map of the solar system and saying, "I think he's somewhere around here." Also, Porter, hon? If you think he's on the Afghan-Pakistani border, that does not make you special. In fact, that's not even something you have to keep under wraps, because try finding someone who doesn't think he might be there.
