(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

Dear Tom Cruise,

I just came back from the 7-11, where I saw on the cover of Entertainment Weekly that you think that everybody's annoyed by you because "they don't like to see people happy." No, you asstard, that's not why everybody's annoyed. Everybody's annoyed because we don't like to see people clinically psychotic.

Just some advice. You can be happy in a new relationship without bouncing around the room like a Tigger on crack. It's a couch -- sit on it. If you don't want people to think this is a publicity stunt, not proposing after two months, not dating someone fifteen years younger than you, and not flinging her around and showing her off like a new Oscar would probably be in order. You are not an OB-GYN, so stop giving Brooke Shields post-partum medication advice. And for God's sake, nobody cares about your stupid religion, unless this is all some secret plan to infiltrate the cult and fight the Scientology aliens when they arrive, in which case we'd buy it a hell of a lot more if you brought Will Smith with you.

Sincerely,

Me

********

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

If you were trying to make it so that you looked like every other blonde bimbo so that I'd stop thinking you were pretty and wouldn't give a shit about you anymore, mission accomplished.

Sincerely,

Me

P.S. Remember that article a few years back, when you said you loved your red hair and freckles and would never change them? Maybe not, but I do, because the accompanying picture was stunning. Hmph. Moron.

********

In other news, Moriarty from AICN talks the X-Men movieverse fandom down from the ledge.

Also, I have to use this icon because this song's on my Zen now. Wheeeee. :)

EDIT: Porter Goss has an excellent idea where bin Laden is. Getting past the interpretation of 'excellent' I imagined yesterday, reading that makes me wonder if asking him for details wouldn't involve him pointing at a map of the solar system and saying, "I think he's somewhere around here." Also, Porter, hon? If you think he's on the Afghan-Pakistani border, that does not make you special. In fact, that's not even something you have to keep under wraps, because try finding someone who doesn't think he might be there.

Comments

[juliefortune.livejournal.com]

BWAH! Excellent. I am mightily annoyed with Cruise myself. What a dork. I guess when you're a star, you just can't tell when you're making a ridiculous spectacle of yourself.

Yay for your Lohan comments, too. She's turned into just another Stepford Starlet.

-- J.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Exactly. The red hair and freckles made her stand out, and now she just looks like everybody else. Blech.

Okay, now I feel like watching The Parent Trap remake to see her when she was still cute not to mention the hotness that is Dennis Quaid ... yum.

[anniesj.livejournal.com]

Dear Tom Cruise:

Also, people spraying you in the face with water is really, really funny just because you really HAVE become that much of an asshole.

And:

Dear CNN:

I love you for providing free video. I love you so much.

XXX OOO

anniesj

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

*snerk* Ain't that the truth. ;)

[pescivendolo.livejournal.com]

If he presses charges for that, I'm going to personally deliver a flaming bag of poo to his doorstep.

[cyprinella]

There was actually a piece about that madness on NPR on my drive home Friday. All I could do was yell at the stereo saying "No one cares! He's psychotic, she's a beard!"

Then I turned off the radio.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

That's what drives me nuts. I'd probably go along with it if they were just doing dating and the coverage wasn't everywhere. Instead, OMG THEY'RE DATING + ENGAGED AFTER 2 MOS + OMGWTF ISN'T HE HOT AND HETEROSEXUAL + I'VE GOT SCIENTOLOGY YAY! The press is just as much to blame as they are, too. I'm probably not going to see War of the Worlds even though I love Spielberg's action movies and I think Dakota Fanning is cute specifically because I just don't feel like handing money over to Tom Cruise after this fiasco.

[cyprinella]

I probably wasn't goign to see it anyway but that's more because I don't watch movies much any more since I'm no longer using hte theater as a way to avoid psychotic landlords.

I'm just don't care. I don't care about who's hooking up with who unless it's people I know and/or have seen in their pajamas in my house. The NPR piece was actually trying to make the comparison between celebrities and the greek gods - that we like celebrities because we like the stories. It's a crap comparison because this is a crap story! I wrote better stories in 3rd grade and that's when I wrote my three page epic about what would happen if it snowed chocolate!

Bah.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I wrote better stories in 3rd grade and that's when I wrote my three page epic about what would happen if it snowed chocolate!

Just for that, I think you should be a Greek god. Whichever one was in charge of the weather. ;)

[anne-jumps.livejournal.com]

you think that everybody's annoyed by you because "they don't like to see people happy." No, you asstard, that's not why everybody's annoyed. Everybody's annoyed because we don't like to see people clinically psychotic

I know, right?

I love it when celebrities think we're tired of hearing about them because we're all Jus' Jellus or somehow we don't like to see people being happy. I guess the idea that we just don't care is too much for them to handle.

[sadiekate.livejournal.com]

*applauds rants*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Totally OT, but ... *licks your icon*

I seriously love that picture of him. Oh, that smile. *swoons* ;)

[sadiekate.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the scruff makes me think dirty thoughts.

[fernwithy.livejournal.com]

What the hell was Lindsey Lohan thinking? She had a great look... and she does that to herself? I mean, maybe if she'd done it for some movie and, like, sacrificed her looks for her craft or whatnot... but she appears to have done this voluntarily.

I can't believe how bad she looks as a blonde!

[denial-girl.livejournal.com]

not proposing after two months...

...and telling the press that same day instead of, oh I dunno, your family and friends?

What a scam. Except scams usually fool people.

[filmbuff.livejournal.com]

"Hey, hon? You had a movie open the other day and I've got one next week, so will you agree to marry me so we can both generate some free publicity?"

[uberbitsch.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. I read about the Bin Laden thing.

AMAZING how this news comes out when Bush's ratings are the lowest since Nixon's.

Hey, lets be fair...

[seferin.livejournal.com]

...not dating someone fifteen years younger than you,

Isn't that the definition of sucess for men having a midlife crisis?

[foenix.livejournal.com]

Lindsay...

*sob*

Why? Why must they drive me away??