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Sep. 17th, 2005 08:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypsosDo you know why I like playing Sarah Connor on Fandom High?
See, here's the thing. I'm kind of a doormat. I'm not as bad as I was in high school about it, when I wanted so badly to be liked that I would barely say anything and would usually stick my foot in my mouth when I did. But I'm still more terrified of offending people in real life than I am about anything else.
Most of the time, I will stumble over myself trying to make things up if I bother or anger someone. I'll spend money I can't afford, I'll take up time I can't waste ... all to make people happy if I've done one big thing wrong. That sort of reaction comes from being a nerd in high school -- it's not like I didn't have friends, but a part of me is still that teenage girl who's always afraid she's going to lose those same friends. The problem comes when things build, and build, and build, because that's when I tend to retreat. I back away with the intention of not hurting anyone or getting yelled at, and I'll back away in fear to the point where I'm just not there anymore. That part of me is the same part that had a classically bad reaction to college. (Three years of stress and mental anguish. College and I were not the best of friends. *sigh*)
But Sarah ... Sarah's not worried about any of that. She doesn't give a shit what you think or what you say. Aside from the fact that you're all going to die anyway, she doesn't have to coddle you. She's not here to give you a hug or make you feel better or hand you a fucking teddy bear when you're crying. The only reason she does things like beat the shit out of Angelus -- well, aside from the fact that beating people up is fun and good practice for when it counts -- is that he caused stress and disorder in the school that was driving her out of her fucking mind. If everybody can't be calm and behave like perfectly trained soldiers, you will get on Sarah's bad side and she reserves the right to verbally or physically rip you a new one.
She's tough, but she's also got a healthy respect for what every single kid in that school can do with the right weapon in their hands. If years of training has taught her anything, it's that the most innocent of weapons in the wrong hands can turn even the wimpiest of kids into a formidable opponent. Give Jayne a gun and he can fuck your shit up. Give Willow a spellbook and she can rip your skin right off. Give Veronica a computer and a camera and she can make your life a living hell. Staring at them and assuming that they're not worth her time is not something she would do, because she knows that with this crowd, it is guaranteed to bite her in the ass later. She's tough, not stupid. She knows damn well what every student in that school can do, and don't think she doesn't have a handle on every single weakness in that school.
That's the big difference ... Sarah doesn't take anybody's shit, and I'm too afraid to.
...
Aaaaaaaand that's as serious as I get.
Is it my birthday yet? Because I could use a birthday.
See, here's the thing. I'm kind of a doormat. I'm not as bad as I was in high school about it, when I wanted so badly to be liked that I would barely say anything and would usually stick my foot in my mouth when I did. But I'm still more terrified of offending people in real life than I am about anything else.
Most of the time, I will stumble over myself trying to make things up if I bother or anger someone. I'll spend money I can't afford, I'll take up time I can't waste ... all to make people happy if I've done one big thing wrong. That sort of reaction comes from being a nerd in high school -- it's not like I didn't have friends, but a part of me is still that teenage girl who's always afraid she's going to lose those same friends. The problem comes when things build, and build, and build, because that's when I tend to retreat. I back away with the intention of not hurting anyone or getting yelled at, and I'll back away in fear to the point where I'm just not there anymore. That part of me is the same part that had a classically bad reaction to college. (Three years of stress and mental anguish. College and I were not the best of friends. *sigh*)
But Sarah ... Sarah's not worried about any of that. She doesn't give a shit what you think or what you say. Aside from the fact that you're all going to die anyway, she doesn't have to coddle you. She's not here to give you a hug or make you feel better or hand you a fucking teddy bear when you're crying. The only reason she does things like beat the shit out of Angelus -- well, aside from the fact that beating people up is fun and good practice for when it counts -- is that he caused stress and disorder in the school that was driving her out of her fucking mind. If everybody can't be calm and behave like perfectly trained soldiers, you will get on Sarah's bad side and she reserves the right to verbally or physically rip you a new one.
She's tough, but she's also got a healthy respect for what every single kid in that school can do with the right weapon in their hands. If years of training has taught her anything, it's that the most innocent of weapons in the wrong hands can turn even the wimpiest of kids into a formidable opponent. Give Jayne a gun and he can fuck your shit up. Give Willow a spellbook and she can rip your skin right off. Give Veronica a computer and a camera and she can make your life a living hell. Staring at them and assuming that they're not worth her time is not something she would do, because she knows that with this crowd, it is guaranteed to bite her in the ass later. She's tough, not stupid. She knows damn well what every student in that school can do, and don't think she doesn't have a handle on every single weakness in that school.
That's the big difference ... Sarah doesn't take anybody's shit, and I'm too afraid to.
...
Aaaaaaaand that's as serious as I get.
Is it my birthday yet? Because I could use a birthday.
