More random thoughts ...

[apocalypsos]

You know what hospitals should hire? Name consultants. You know, for all of those mothers who give their kids embarrassing names without thinking about it. They wouldn't even need college degrees or anything, just half a brain. Hell, they could be fourth-graders.

"Mrs. Seaman, this is Billy, the local schoolyard bully. Billy, tell Mrs. Seaman why you would beat the crap out of Peter if he were in school with you right now."

********

I've decided that I'm really glad I'm a virgin. You know, since they're not throwing us into volcanos anymore.

They're not, are they?

Um, forget I said anything.

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Madonna has two kids named Lola Leon and Rocco Ritchie. Is it just me, or is she producing her own strip club? One stripper, one bouncer.

See, you people think I'm kidding. But if she has another kid and gives it a DJ name, don't say I didn't warn you.

********

Did your mother ever pull off those useless mommy threats, like, "You keep this up, and I'll put you right back where I found you"? I always wondered how she planned on explaining to people how my head got in there.

Comments

[deadspiders.livejournal.com]

I was at a baby name website once, and there was a woman posting in the guestbook who had honestly called her child Toolio DeSac. Another man, a Mr Tinkletop, was trying to convince his wife to name their son Timmy because he thought it was "catchy".

We don't need name consultants, we need breeding licenses.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, that Peter Seaman bit? When I was a kid, that was my best friend's little brother's name. If I as an eight-year-old could spot the glaring stupidity of that name, so should she.

Ugh. My little brother knew a kid named William William Williams, too. That's just as bad. He also had a friend with a cool but weird first name (to be honest, can't remember what it was, but it sounded Italian), and when I asked my parents what it meant, they told me he was named after the doctor who reversed his father's vasectomy. Now, that's what called subtlely embarrassing your child for the rest of his days.

[deadspiders.livejournal.com]

I can't believe anyone with 'Seaman' as a last name would choose to pass it onto their children. Is it a petty form of vengeance? "If I must have thousands of internal scars from childhood taunts, so too shall you."?

(*has horrible thought*) It wasn't his *middle* name, was it? Because that's just too vile to contemplate. Did she *want* her child to grow up to be in a Mills and Boon novel?

he was named after the doctor who reversed his father's vasectomy.

That's really nasty. That's like naming your kid Sheik after the condom that broke. At least if I have kids, I'm only planning them on naming them after popular television characters and singers of the era. Little Shakira, Lex and Dumbledore will be so lucky they've got someone sane looking after them.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

One of my favorite telemarketing calls I ever made was when I kept trying to reach a Luong Duong. When I finally reached someone, it was a group of potheads who put me on speaker. When I asked to speak to Luong Duong, they started laughing that I'm-higher-than-a-kite laugh and said, "Long Duck Dong doesn't live here, man!"

I couldn't stop laughing for ten minutes. My supervisor thought I'd finally cracked. :)

[deadspiders.livejournal.com]

:D If only my stint as a telemarketer had been so amusing. I think the best thing that ever happened to me, aside from someone actually knowing what a credit card was and being willing to give me the number, was when someone started impersonating a dog every time I asked him for money.

He was fine and dandy when I asked his name, then when I asked for a donation, he could only make strange "aif! aif!" noises. "Pardon?" I asked.

"Yes?" a perfectly sane voice replies.

"I was just asking for dona-"

"Aif! Aif! Grr!"

"(*sigh*) I'll call you back at a more convenient time, then."

"Oh, alright."

At least he wasn't subtle about it. :P

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Hee. Those were the jackasses we used to call back at nine in the morning on Saturday. We weren't supposed to, but hell, when we said we'd call back, they said okay.

If they would have just said, "No," we might leave them alone. But alas.

[deadspiders.livejournal.com]

Ah, that's the price they must pay. Didn't their parents ever tell them not to talk to strangers? They should have heeded the advice...

[lots42.livejournal.com]

People who get their vasectomys reversed piss me off. It just makes the whole situation more delicate for those of us who won't waffle. Too bad there's no permenent sterilization button. A long hallway, filled with signs on the walls, floor and ceiling. At the end, a big red button.

I'd run screaming down the hallway and jump up and down on the button while singing God Bless America.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

That is a mental image that will stay in my head for at least the next ... oh, ten minutes or so. ;)