My mother is a VERY BAD woman who should never be encouraged.

[apocalypsos]

So we're killing time while my mom's Mini Cooper is being serviced (which was the main reason we went down there, not just for the zoo). We went to breakfast at a cute little deli where I found out I like lox (mmm!), and after that we start walking around the very nice neighborhood taking in all of the expensive stone houses and lamenting the fact that neither one of us could afford them.

Mom: I tried to shit a gold brick, but no luck so far.
Me: I don't even want to know what you would eat to think that would happen.
Mom: Fourteen carrots.
Me: *dies a little inside*

GROAN.

Also to follow, the impressively brain-breaking statement, "I'm so friggin' witty sometimes it's not even funny."

Oh, and dear Pennsylvania, thank you for making helmets legally optional for motorcycle riders to wear. I think it's interesting that you've come up with the perfect way to eliminate a good number of people who are too stupid to live.

Comments

Hey! Heeeeey!

[callmesyd.livejournal.com]

Brad Pitt! Zombie movie! POST-ZOMBIE EPIDEMIC ZOMBIE MOVIE!!!

Eeeeeeeee!

[ampersand.livejournal.com]

... I like your mom.

[mercymydarling.livejournal.com]

Okay, LOL at your mom, and am in agreement about the motorcycle-helmet thing. I giggle everytime I see some moron ride down the road helmetless.

[lots42.livejournal.com]

I sometimes see helmetless morons with SHORTS and a T-SHIRT riding down the road because OMG WTF

Mom: Fourteen carrots.

[redwulf50.livejournal.com]

seee she should have went with twenty four carrots. geeze

[palmetto.livejournal.com]

Florida also. Yet, we have billboards everywhere telling drivers to watch out for motorcyclists, as motorcyclist death is on the rise!

[paddle-slut.livejournal.com]

yes...just another way to make our society stronger is to kill off the weak-minded ones *looks around nervously*...hopefully they won't find me *nervous laughter*
& your mum....she sounds....uh....well.....kinda like mine, always telling you WAY more than you need to know & insisting on doing it in public...*facepalm*, what did we do in past lives to deserve that huh?

[tv-elf.livejournal.com]

Woohoo! Let's hear it for organ donors! It's so nice of them to think of their fellow man. Now, to train them to tuck and roll to protect their kidneys...

[magickly.livejournal.com]

So true!

Oh gosh I've had to hear so many stories about people with their brains smushed on the road from a motorcycle accident when they weren't wearing a proper helmet. Duh!

[gemsong.livejournal.com]

Yup... I think I definetely like your mother.

[rose-in-texas.livejournal.com]

I (heart) your mom.

[strix-an-stones.livejournal.com]

Hmm...you're on to our plot. This may just put the stop to our initiative to make seatbelts optional

<.<

>.>

Why wait for Darwin's law to nail the mouth breathers?

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Cool; is Gary Busey moving there?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_slutknot_/]

At least she didn't say she was "as fat as a tick and needed to poo".
.......
?

[vass]

Mom: I tried to shit a gold brick, but no luck so far.
Me: I don't even want to know what you would eat to think that would happen.
Mom: Fourteen carrots.
For the win.

[stevie-jane.livejournal.com]

You know what doctors call motorcyclists? Organ donors.

[corruptedjasper.livejournal.com]

Plus, organ donations should go up significantly!

Those things ain't colloquially known as Donorcycles for nothing, after all.