(no subject)
Dec. 20th, 2003 06:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypsosHey, guess where I went today? That's right, I saw Return of the King.
********
Dear Motion Picture Academy,
The following actors need to be nominated for Oscars: Viggo, Elijah, Miranda, Sean Astin, and Andy. And don't give me that "not being able to see the actor past the special effects" bullshit with Andy. In that case, we should revoke John Hurt's well-served nomination for "The Elephant Man". And don't give me that bullshit about the CGI. It's called progress. You may have heard of it.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Sam,
Admit it. You're really a golden retriever puppy. I've got ten bucks on it.
Also, marry me. Seriously.
Sincerely,
Me
P.S. Frodo? Kiss him, already!
********
Dear Frodo,
Sam didn't want to tell you this, but when he says, "As you wish," what he's really saying is "I love you."
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Legolas,
God, you're pretty. Do you moisturize?
Sincerely,
Me
P.S. Gimli's right. I don't care if it is the size of Rhode Island, it only counts as one.
********
Dear Head Orc,
Rocky road?
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Aragorn,
You clean up nice. And such pretty hair, too. Did Legolas lend you his Split-Ender?
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Gimli,
Ask Aragorn if you can borrow Legolas's Split-Ender.
Don't you hate it when Legolas and Gandalf gossip about boys and braid each other's hair? I imagine that must get annoying after the fiftieth time or so.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Faramir,
Do you need a hug? Because amazingly enough, I've got arms.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Denethor,
You may mean well, but seek professional help.
No, not from an arsonist, dumbass. From a shrink! Sheesh.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Boromir,
Yeah, you're full of arrows, but look on the bright side. At least your father didn't use you as kindling regardless of all the breathing and whatnot.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Eowyn,
Wow, what a coincidence. That's my daughter's name.
Yes, I know I don't have kids yet. But one day I will have a daughter, and her name will be Eowyn, and I will be incredibly shocked at that truly amazing coincidence.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Theoden,
See what happens when you tell girls and hobbits to stay home? Hmmm?
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear theater asshat,
You showed up at the movies to see ROTK on opening weekend at the exact same time the previews began. The amount of right you have to complain can only be viewed by an electron microscope. Stupid fuckstick.
Sincerely,
Me
So, yeah. Big movie love. I'm actually really glad I didn't read the books beforehand, because I was never bothered by "It didn't happen that way in the books!" indignancy.
********
Dear Motion Picture Academy,
The following actors need to be nominated for Oscars: Viggo, Elijah, Miranda, Sean Astin, and Andy. And don't give me that "not being able to see the actor past the special effects" bullshit with Andy. In that case, we should revoke John Hurt's well-served nomination for "The Elephant Man". And don't give me that bullshit about the CGI. It's called progress. You may have heard of it.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Sam,
Admit it. You're really a golden retriever puppy. I've got ten bucks on it.
Also, marry me. Seriously.
Sincerely,
Me
P.S. Frodo? Kiss him, already!
********
Dear Frodo,
Sam didn't want to tell you this, but when he says, "As you wish," what he's really saying is "I love you."
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Legolas,
God, you're pretty. Do you moisturize?
Sincerely,
Me
P.S. Gimli's right. I don't care if it is the size of Rhode Island, it only counts as one.
********
Dear Head Orc,
Rocky road?
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Aragorn,
You clean up nice. And such pretty hair, too. Did Legolas lend you his Split-Ender?
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Gimli,
Ask Aragorn if you can borrow Legolas's Split-Ender.
Don't you hate it when Legolas and Gandalf gossip about boys and braid each other's hair? I imagine that must get annoying after the fiftieth time or so.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Faramir,
Do you need a hug? Because amazingly enough, I've got arms.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Denethor,
You may mean well, but seek professional help.
No, not from an arsonist, dumbass. From a shrink! Sheesh.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Boromir,
Yeah, you're full of arrows, but look on the bright side. At least your father didn't use you as kindling regardless of all the breathing and whatnot.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Eowyn,
Wow, what a coincidence. That's my daughter's name.
Yes, I know I don't have kids yet. But one day I will have a daughter, and her name will be Eowyn, and I will be incredibly shocked at that truly amazing coincidence.
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear Theoden,
See what happens when you tell girls and hobbits to stay home? Hmmm?
Sincerely,
Me
********
Dear theater asshat,
You showed up at the movies to see ROTK on opening weekend at the exact same time the previews began. The amount of right you have to complain can only be viewed by an electron microscope. Stupid fuckstick.
Sincerely,
Me
So, yeah. Big movie love. I'm actually really glad I didn't read the books beforehand, because I was never bothered by "It didn't happen that way in the books!" indignancy.
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no subject
Date: 2003-12-20 04:14 pm (UTC)Wow, what a coincidence. That's my daughter's name.
Yes, I know I don't have kids yet. But one day I will have a daughter, and her name will be Eowyn, and I will be incredibly shocked at that truly amazing coincidence.
How amazing! That's my daughter's name too!