Sep. 7th, 2010

apocalypsos: (i agree with lacey's BISH PLZ)
I needed that vacation, you have NO IDEA. For four days I pretty much avoided thinking about work or writing or lacking a social life. I wasn't able to completely ignore the fact that I'm out of shape and have no time to devote to losing the weight due to the fact that half of my stuff doesn't fit and it makes walking around the city in ill-fitting clothes a bit tiresome, but the rest of it I managed to avoid.

Aaaaan then I started driving home. And then I got here.

I have today off, but starting tomorrow I am working every day until the weekend at the day job from 11:00-7:30 and every day at Wegmans from 8:00-1:00 until Saturday night. Basically it's getting to the point where it's too much. I have no free time whatsoever (I haven't even been able to go back to the dentist to finish getting my teeth fixed in weeks) and I don't think I can handle it anymore and I seriously think I need to quit at Wegmans.

The thing is that I can't quit Wegmans. The money is enough to pay for my rent every month, which leaves me with some actual spending money. I've caught up on my bills. And it's not like I have to hold onto this job forever, just until overtime starts at my day job, which should be in a month or two. But I'm not sure I can wait a month or two.

UGH. I wish there were some other way that I could earn the extra money that didn't involve taking up all of my extra time and swallowing up any bit of creativity in my head and pounding my fucking sanity into the ground. I am in way too much stress right now and even the extra money isn't doing me a lick of good.
apocalypsos: (i am surprised by you)
... and I suddenly realized that of all the things he's ever done, this is my favorite:

apocalypsos: (i can't take this bullshit)
-- Went to the cafe to write. Ended up watching NMTB reruns on YouTube and playing mahjong instead.

-- Ran down to the Salvation Army and the Burlington Coat Factory to pick up new cheap clothes that actually fit for autumn. Got upset as soon as I got home because it's 85 and humid out and I definitely won't be able to wear all my new sweaters and dress pants anytime soon, which is half of the fun of clothes shopping.

-- Skimmed my usual sites out of habit. Ended up reading ONTD_P stories for a bit. Got even more upset.

-- Contemplated just calling up both jobs and quitting before I could think twice about it. Realized there's no way in hell I can do that. Got even MORE upset.

-- Started downloading Vincent and the Doctor because I recognize I need a good cry. Episode will not finish downloading for another hour and a half. Ugh.

-- Finally just cracked and looked up a toll-free depression hotline. May end up calling later.

FINAL SCORE:

DEPRESSION - 6
MY SOFT EMOTIONAL UNDERBELLY - 0


Uh ... woohoo?

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