This may be my favorite thing I've read all week.

[apocalypsos]

How To Ride The DC Metro, By Some Tea Partier On The Internet, For Anybody Going To Glenn Beck's Stupid Rally*:

If you are on the subway stay on the Red line between Union Station and Shady Grove, Maryland. If you are on the Blue or Orange line do not go past Eastern Market (Capitol Hill) toward the Potomac Avenue stop and beyond; stay in NW DC and points in Virginia. Do not use the Green line or the Yellow line. These rules are even more important at night. There is of course nothing wrong with many other areas; but you don't know where you are, so you should not explore them.

I think my favorite part is "Do not use the Green Line or the Yellow Line." In other words, "Shortcuts? HA! Real Americans take the looooong way around!"

Although, as the guy who posted this on HuffPo pointed out, just stay on the correct side of the damn escalators and you'll do fine. (Damn, that reminds me, I've got to remember to explain the escalator thing to my brother before we go next weekend ...)

* Not its actual title. **
** Its actual title is Hi, Everyone. Let's Pitch In 'N' Get Cracking Here In Louisiana Doing Right, Eh? Now Then. Hateful Rich Overbearing Ugly Guys Hurt Royally Everytime Someone Eats A Radish, Carrot, Hors d'oeuvre, And Never Does Dishes. Eventually, Victor Eats Lunch Over Peoria Mit Ein Neuesberger Tod.

Comments

[florahart]

My son is turning 18 this Saturday. He said earlier this evening, on seeing something about this whole ruckus, that he would send Mr. Beck an email of anti-thanks for giving the date such a stupid association especially when it already has such a nice one, except that he's not all that sure the guy can read or has the sense to hire people who can, so wasting his time doing so would just make it that much worse.

Heh.

Oh yeah, HCTRAD, I've heard of that.

[eilonwy.livejournal.com]

Yay HELPING CHILDREN THROUGH RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT. Heeee. You're the only person I know who also knows of it. (Huzzah for MST3K.)

[etoilepb.livejournal.com]

Fair warning: a lot of escalators are perpetually out. If you want decent information on what's going on with the DC Metro, look to @WMATA, @dcfireems, and @unsuckdcmetro on Twitter (I follow those three, along with a couple others, as my "DC Transit" list, which has proven to be the only useful thing about Twitter) and the Get There blog on the WaPo, http://voices.washingtonpost.com/dr-gridlock/ . I don't know what days you're going to be here but Labor Day weekend there *will* be Metro fuckups due to track rehabbing (they do all their projects on weekends) so be aware.

Also, the directions you've highlighted boil -- predictably -- down to "Don't go to the black parts of the city."

[bexone.livejournal.com]

teabaggers, racist? YOU DON'T SAY.

[etoilepb.livejournal.com]

I am shocked, shocked! to hear such a thing. Next someone will tell me that the Pope is Catholic, or some such nonsense!

[jrho.livejournal.com]

Speaking as someone who lives on the Blue/Yellow line, this is hilarious.

Thanks for the heads up on the rally. I was thinking about seeing a few of the new Smithsonian exhibits this weekend, but that can definitely wait until next weekend. I don't need the stress of dealing with a big group of stupid if I don't have to.

[bcgphoenix]

I also love how they're so kind as to point out that Dupont Circle is the "gay area." RUN AWAY, TEA PARTIERS! RUN AWAAAAY!

Me, I'm just going to stay up here in my dangerous neighborhood full of liberals and refugees, eating popcorn as I watch them try to figure out how to get to National Airport without using the Yellow Line. Worth the price of admission alone!

[agent-mimi.livejournal.com]

If I was in DC, I'd start telling people that my neighborhood was the gay/black/Dem/immigrant/ACLU neighborhood just to keep them out.

[penknife.livejournal.com]

I don't know whether to weep or just be amused at the idea of all the Tea Partiers solemnly waiting for Blue Line trains into town from National Airport because the Yellow Line trains are too scary.

[heather.livejournal.com]

I'm going with amused. But it's a close one.

[jim-smith.livejournal.com]

** Its actual title is Hi, Everyone. Let's Pitch In 'N' Get Cracking Here In Louisiana Doing Right, Eh? Now Then. Hateful Rich Overbearing Ugly Guys Hurt Royally Everytime Someone Eats A Radish, Carrot, Hors d'oeuvre, And Never Does Dishes. Eventually, Victor Eats Lunch Over Peoria Mit Ein Neuesberger Tod.

I was really hoping this would spell out "HELP I'M TRAPPED IN A LIVEJOURNAL FOOTNOTE FACTORY"...

[sabotabby]

There is of course nothing wrong with many other areas; but you don't know where you are, so you should not explore them.

This right here is part of the problem with Teabagger mentality. Any normal visitor to a new city would just look online or get a travel guide and figure out what might be cool to see. Teabaggers are like OH GOD WHAT IF THERE ARE BLACK PEOPLE SOMEONE DIRECT ME BACK TO THE HILTON.

Do Teabaggers even take the subway? They might encounter the common rabble or some such.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I kind of adore that they're all so plainly racist and yet decided to try and avoid black people ... in DC. Next up, staging a gathering in Arizona, but attempting to avoid Hispanics.

[bexone.livejournal.com]

they might have a fighting chance at that -- a lot of the people who feel targeted by ab1070 have been leaving if they can and keeping a low profile otherwise. :/

they should move the rally to taos, i hear it's beautiful there. >:)

[cacahuate.livejournal.com]

I love this so much. Although I almost wish it did advise them to come to my neighborhood. A couple of lost, terrified teabaggers wandering around Petworth would be a thing to behold.

[spyderqueen.livejournal.com]

Of course they forgot the most important DC metro rule.

And I want some of those fuckers to try eating in the metro station. Let them see fascism at work applied against them. (I'm not normally a fan of fascism, but the metro police make it work)

[wrenlet.livejournal.com]

Hah, I read a story on that here this morning. My personal "favorite" part:

Most taxi drivers and many waiters/waitresses (especially in local coffee shops like the Bread and Chocolate chain) are immigrants, frequently from east Africa or Arab countries. As a rule, African immigrants do not like for you to assume they are African Americans and especially do not like for you to guess they are from a neighboring country (e.g. Eritrea, Ethiopia, Somalia) with whom they may have political or military tensions.

How about you NOT TRY TO GUESS WHERE RANDOM PEOPLE "COME FROM," YOU RACIST JACKASSES.

[writerrising.livejournal.com]

About the only part I understand is the don't go unfamiliar places at night.