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apocalypsosHere's a guaranteed way to make the people at the bus stop think you're criminally insane. Stand around and talk to your mother on your cell phone, and whenever a cicada lands at your feet, casually pick it up and coo cutely at it before flinging it up in the air. I'm amazed people didn't resort to teleporting to get away from me faster.
You'd think I was going to throw them into people's faces or something. Well, where's the fun in that? I mean, aside from the shrieking and arm-flailing and the resulting insults of my ancestors. Besides, these suckers are huge. It'd be infinitely easier for me to simply hop on the back of one and fly off to lead my red-eyed winged minions in an assault on the White House.
Okay, so maybe that's a bit extreme, but that picking up the cicadas and tossing them in the air to make them fly away? I was totally doing that at the bus stop today. I didn't know being a tomboy as a kid would ever come in handy, but it turns out a wiggling cicada dropped down someone's T-shirt is one of the better blackmails on the planet. I can't believe picking up what basically looks like a bunch of hungover mutant grasshoppers freaks so many people out. They're not gross or anything, and quite frankly, they're incredibly stupid. It's entirely possible I could grab a bunch and juggle them and the stupid bastards would wander around in a daze afterwards and yelp in insect-ese, "Yay! I want to go on the ride again, Mommy!"
And just when you thought you couldn't be even more grossed out by the cicadas, Bossman apparently went out on our back loading dock this morning and found a pile of them about two feet high writhing and mating in this huge icky sexfest. So, being the gentleman that he is, he picked up a great big pallet and squished them. That's so rude. How would you like it if you were in the middle of a really good orgy and someone dropped a truck on your head?
In other news, I called my mother today to suggest Wesley for the new kitten's name and she had a new suggestion so utterly stupid I blocked it from my memory. The cicadas have taken over my mother's brain! Help me, damn it!
You'd think I was going to throw them into people's faces or something. Well, where's the fun in that? I mean, aside from the shrieking and arm-flailing and the resulting insults of my ancestors. Besides, these suckers are huge. It'd be infinitely easier for me to simply hop on the back of one and fly off to lead my red-eyed winged minions in an assault on the White House.
Okay, so maybe that's a bit extreme, but that picking up the cicadas and tossing them in the air to make them fly away? I was totally doing that at the bus stop today. I didn't know being a tomboy as a kid would ever come in handy, but it turns out a wiggling cicada dropped down someone's T-shirt is one of the better blackmails on the planet. I can't believe picking up what basically looks like a bunch of hungover mutant grasshoppers freaks so many people out. They're not gross or anything, and quite frankly, they're incredibly stupid. It's entirely possible I could grab a bunch and juggle them and the stupid bastards would wander around in a daze afterwards and yelp in insect-ese, "Yay! I want to go on the ride again, Mommy!"
And just when you thought you couldn't be even more grossed out by the cicadas, Bossman apparently went out on our back loading dock this morning and found a pile of them about two feet high writhing and mating in this huge icky sexfest. So, being the gentleman that he is, he picked up a great big pallet and squished them. That's so rude. How would you like it if you were in the middle of a really good orgy and someone dropped a truck on your head?
In other news, I called my mother today to suggest Wesley for the new kitten's name and she had a new suggestion so utterly stupid I blocked it from my memory. The cicadas have taken over my mother's brain! Help me, damn it!
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Date: 2004-05-24 11:41 pm (UTC)(it sucks to live in germany right now)
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Date: 2004-05-25 03:59 am (UTC)no subject
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