apocalypsos | (no subject)

You Know You're From Washington DC When...

You say you're from DC, but you actually live in VA or MD but are too tired to explain where. (*snerk* Ain't that the truth.)

You don't consider exploding man hole covers to be an unusual occurrence.

You know where the Pentagon really is but never bother to correct anyone about its location.

When it takes you 45 minutes to drive 3 miles on I-66, 95, 395, 495, 50, 123, 29, or 270, it's a pretty good day.

There are at least fifteen ways to get everywhere and you know which way to go based on the weather, time of day, current political climate, terrorism road closures, and whether you are coming or going.

You pay more money in parking tickets in a year than you do in medical bills, college costs and rent combined.

You know that driving through Georgetown, you will hear the music of the car next to you louder than you can hear your own.

"I got stuck behind a motorcade" is a common and real excuse for being late.

"Finding a parking space" actually becomes an appointment on your calendar. (E.g.. 7:00-8:00 Gym, 8:30-9:00PM - find a parking space, 9:00-10:30PM - Dinner reservations.)

You've never once been to Wal-Mart and don't even know if there is one. (Unless of course, you're not from around here. I was listening to the Town Crier at work the other day and had to keep from laughing as he talked about his first trip to a Wal-Mart ver, that he took the day before. He's in his late thirties, by the way.)

When you say you're going to the mall and you don't mean shopping.

You never refer to the 'Metro' as the 'subway'. (Hee! Who does around here?)

You elbow tourists out of the way on the Metro escalators to "gently"
emind them to WALK LEFT, STAND RIGHT. (*dies* Okay, I've never elbowed them out of the way, but do withering glares in their direction count?)

Going to work early means being there by 9:00AM.

You don't bat an eye at 500 politicians and businessmen in suits running like their lives depended on it just to catch a Metro that will be followed by another in 90 seconds.

You call it Targét, not Target, and are well aware that the one in Alexandria is just a "tad different". (Er, no. I'd never even seen a Target outside of Career Opportunities until one opened in Dickson City last year.)

When Washington National Airport is and will always be "WASHINGTON NATIONAL", not "Reagan National". (Ha! Someone askd me today on the Metro whether the train we were on got off at Washington National, and I didn't even bat an eye when I answereed her.)

You can tell by people's cars where they live and maybe even what neighborhood.

You've claimed that there's nothing to do on a weekend night even when you have the entire nation's capitol to explore.

You have the Metro map memorized, yet act like you don't know when someone asks you how to get to Metro Center. (That's probably because I'm the last person who should give anyone directions.)

You meet someone else who says they're from the DC area and you realize they live two hours away from you.

You notice that there's been construction on the same stretch of highway for the past 5 years and you've never see anyone working on it.

You know you've crossed into Northern Virginia, without ever seeing a sign, only because your speedometer goes from 60 to 0.

You know that Vietnam is no longer in the South Pacific, it's now been re-located to Seven Corners.

The few times you have gotten lost in DC you have somehow ALWAYS ended up in Anacostia and every road out somehow leads back to Anacostia.

You realize that I-395 is Northern Virginia's version of NASCAR.

There is no such thing as North, South, East, or West on the beltway, it's just go "that" way!(Inner circle / outer circle) (Everything is always "go that way!" with me, I'm from Northern PA, for Christ's sake!)

You go anywhere on the Eastern Shore, Rehoboth, Dewey, Ocean City, Skyline Drive, or the Outer Banks for vacation and everyone you meet is from DC

Snow means rain to you (Actually, it means snow to me, but I stay any longer in this area and it will mean rain. Bah, this weather's inconducive to winter wonderlands.)

Ice on the roads just means that you pay more attention to other cars, but still go 75 mph on the highways

You can see the national cathedral from almost anywhere

You know at least 2 rowers

You know that Georgetown is NOT only a school

You consider Northern VA to be in no way similar to southern VA (Jeez, I know it isn't, and I've only driven through southern VA)

You know which bridges to cross to get to Maryland or VA

You actually know goes on in Dupont circle

You can't go to Tysons Mall without seeing someone you know!!

You have a few friends who don't know what their parents do...It's Top Secret government work.

People don't ask you if Chevy Chase is named after the actor.

You can harmonize perfectly with the alert for "Doors Closing" on the Metro (Oh, for crying out loud, I just tried it, and I totally can. *hangs head*)

50% of your senior class went to Mason, JMU, Tech, VCU or UVA

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from DC.

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You Know You're From Pennsylvania When...

You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly." And New
Jersey has always been "Jersey." (Yeah, and?)

You refer to Pennsylvania as "PA." (*snerk* And we're the only state I know of that does it, too.)

"You guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men & women. (Uh, that's an eastern PA thing. People on the other side of the state say, "Youse guys." It's like two other worlds from east to west.)

You know how to respond to the question "Djeetyet?" (Didyoueatyet?) ("No, djou?" No, did you?)

You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd,
Duquesne, New Tripoli, Tunkhannock, Punxsutawney, Tamaqua, Susquehanna,
Allegheny, and Monongahela. (Are they really that hard? Seriously?)

You know what a "Mummer" is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least
highlights of the parade. (Uh, no.)

The first day of buck and the first day of doe season are school holidays. (HA! Well, if they weren't, half the school wouldn't have been there anyways.)

You can use the phrase "fire hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye.

You can't go to a wedding without hearing the "Chicken Dance," at least one
Polka and either an Italian song (sung in Italian,) or "Hava Nagila."

At least 5 people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of
their windows all year long.

You know what a "Hex sign" is. (Southeastern PA! That's a Kutztown thing!)

You know what a "State Store" is, and your out of state friends find it
incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart. (Hell, I still consider that one of the perks of living in VA.)

You own only three condiments "A-1, Heinz 57 and Heinz ketchup".

Words like "hoagie", "crick", "chipped ham", "sticky buns", "shoo-fly pie",
"pierogies" and "pocketbook" actually mean something to you. (What, and they don't mean anything to anyone else? Anyone? Bueller?)

You can eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same. (Your point? Sometimes it's better when it's cold.)

You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage
(Lebanon Bologna), and Hot Bacon Dressing.

One of the highlights of your life was a field trip to Penn's Cave and Horseshoe curve. (Nope, Northeastern PA meant a trip into the coal mine withe the giant kid-squishing doors.)

You know exactly what to do when your mother tells you to "red up" your room.

You know the time and location of every "wing night" in a 20 mile radius. (Hee! My aunt and uncle live down the street from the official second-best hot wings in Pennsylvania.)

You don't think people from Philly or Pittsburgh talk funny. (Well, they don't.)

You don't understand all the hype about Rolling Rock beer;
You've been drinking it for years even though Iron City is better.

You consider an exotic vacation to be a trip to Ocean City, Virginia Beach,
or Myrtle Beach.

Words like "hoagie", "chipped ham", and "pop" actually mean something to you. (The first two, yes. "Pop" is western PA -- I learned that during my first semester of college.)

You think very little of an Amish buggy on the road. (Well, I would if I weren't in NEPA, where there are no Amish.)

You learned long ago how to "step carefully" around the buggy tie-ups in the
supermarket parking lot.

You can go 2 weeks in winter without sunshine and think this is normal. (It's winter. Why should there be sunlight?)

You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Virginville,
Paradise, Mars, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns.

There is no such thing as a "Philly Cheesesteak".
It's just called a "Cheesesteak."

You know that Eucre is a card game and not a form of vomiting.

You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know that it comes in
several colors: Red, Blue, White, Brown, Gold.

You know what REAL potpie is. (Mmm, potpie.)

You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast.

Your turkey has "filling," not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing." (*buzzer* Wrong answer. It's stuffing. Although I do know people who call it filling, but whatever.)

You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west,"
and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike. (Well, it IS out west, and the turnpike's practically deserted compared to 81. Sheesh.)

When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand. (People put sand on the road? *mind boggles*)

Know that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe
that it really is a premium beer

You know that a green pepper is not a pepper at all but a "mango".

You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk
when you hear the word "snow."

You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato
chips, corn chips, pretzels, candy, or ice cream, or
that packages turkeys, beans, or bologna. (No, but I grew up twenty minutes from an asylum for the criminally insane. Does that count, or does it just explain a lot?)

You can stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables,
or crafts on the "honor system."

You know that chicken corn soup from a fire house is
the most nearly perfect food on earth. (Well, I know that anything from a firehouse is really, really good.)

You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling
off today," and "They're calling for snow."

You've heard of distelfinks and hex signs.

You only buy your beer and soda by the case. (Hey, it's cheaper that way, in the long run.)

You think the roads in any other state are smooth. (That's because they are.)

You know the Penn State cheer, and although you've
never attended Penn State, you are a most obnoxious
Penn State fan.

Hearing horses clopping down a paved street doesn't
bring you to the window to see what's going on outside.

You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the
Gettysburg Battlefield. (Okay, that one's true.)

You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva. (Again, true.)

School closings due to snow take the radio stations
a half an hour to finish, because just about every town
has its own school district. (Yes, and none of them are all that big. If we combined our school districts the right way, they'd be huge. Not to mention that we'd miss out on all those town-appropriate insults we got to hurl in high school whenever an opposing team showed up for a home game.)

You have the Rolling Rock bottle memorized: "From the
glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe, we tender this premium
beer for your enjoyment. . . . "

Elect pro-life Democrats and pro-choice Republicans
for Governor (*dies* Well, why else do you think our abortion laws are so fucked up?)

Frequently go "with," e.g., "You going to the market?
Mind if I come with?"

Refer to something as "a whole nother," e.g., "That's a
whole nother issue."

You REALLY HATE antiquers. On Sunday mornings you would
scream "Go back to Jersey!" at least once on the way to church.

When you were a kid and somebody really pissed you
off, you said, "I'm gonna deck you!"

You know the expression, "Hey naw! Watchya dewin'?"

You know where to buy "Opera Fudge" and that it has
absolutely no connection to the Opera.

The only Jewish people that you've ever met have been
from New York or New Jersey. (Do you have any idea how much you have to suspend your disbelief watching Brendan Fraser play a Jewish kid from Scranton when you're watching "School Ties" if you're from PA?)

You love the Phillies (unless they stink) in which case
you love the Orioles (unless they stink) in which case
you solemnly swear that you've never even liked the
Phillies or the Orioles, but have always been a Penn
State fan. (That's only up to a certain point north, and then it starts getting into New York City teams. Then again, Scranton's got a Philly farm team, so it still kinda works.)

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Pennsylvania.

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Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

dawnmipb.livejournal.com

Schuylkill

Skoogle. 'Cause I've actually driven on it, to visit a friend. I had very detailed directions that said "Do not get off here or you will DIE!" Sometimes also referred to as the "Surekill".

From:

miggy.livejournal.com

I lived in the DC area during the sixth grade. One year of exposure, and I can still do the "doors closing" bit.

From:

apiphile.livejournal.com

You can harmonize perfectly with the alert for "Doors Closing" on the Metro

Hey, I've only been living in London for three years and I can harmonise with every blasted out-of-synch recorded announcement they have, even the ones about "delays caused by passenger action".

From:

silverhill.livejournal.com

I lived in DC for a while, and some of those are so true!

I like the DC one because so many of those are completely unique to DC. Some of these "you know you're from" things have generic things that apply to tons of places. Like "whole nother" is supposedly a Pennsylvania thing? I say that, and I've never lived in Pennsylvania.

From:

welfy.livejournal.com

"You guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men & women. (Uh, that's an eastern PA thing. People on the other side of the state say, "Youse guys." It's like two other worlds from east to west.)

Naw, we say "You guys" too. Though you're right about them being like different worlds.

You know what a "Hex sign" is. (Southeastern PA! That's a Kutztown thing!)

We have hex signs in New Wilmington.

You only buy your beer and soda by the case. (Hey, it's cheaper that way, in the long run.)

Plus it's rare to find beer sold in six packs in PA anymore except perhaps in state stores. My boyfriend always has to drive to Ohio to get good six packs.

You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield. (Okay, that one's true.)

You'd be surprised. :^P

Where did you go to college, by the way?

From:

azurelunatic

Mama's Pennsylvanian, so she's got a double distelfink on her pottery shop. And I've picked up quite a few Pennsylvanian things. Namely:

"You guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men & women. (Uh, that's an eastern PA thing. People on the other side of the state say, "Youse guys." It's like two other worlds from east to west.)

You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd, Duquesne, New Tripoli, Tunkhannock, Punxsutawney, Tamaqua, Susquehanna, Allegheny, and Monongahela. (Only some of them. My ex-fiancee wanted to go to Bryn Mawr...)

The first day of buck and the first day of doe season are school holidays. (That's fishing and moose season in Alaska.)

You know what a "Hex sign" is.

Words like "hoagie", "crick", "chipped ham", "sticky buns", "shoo-fly pie", "pierogies" and "pocketbook" actually mean something to you. ("Chipped ham" is the only poser. )

You can eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same. (Especially for breakfast. It doesn't get all funky that way. )

You know exactly what to do when your mother tells you to "red up" your room. (I know that without Mama's help.)

You don't think people from Philly or Pittsburgh talk funny. (Of course not. )

Words like "hoagie", "chipped ham", and "pop" actually mean something to you. (Again with the chipped ham. What the hell is that?)

You can go 2 weeks in winter without sunshine and think this is normal. (That's Alaskan too. )

You know that Eucre is a card game and not a form of vomiting. (And how to pronounce it.)

Know that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe
that it really is a premium beer. (This I learned from work.)

You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk
when you hear the word "snow." (And hamburger.)

You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling
off today," and "They're calling for snow."

You've heard of distelfinks and hex signs. (And know the difference between a distelfink and a double distelfink.)

You think the roads in any other state are smooth. (I think paved roads are smooth. )

You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva. (What is this "Godiva" of which you speak?)

Frequently go "with," e.g., "You going to the market?
Mind if I come with?"

Refer to something as "a whole nother," e.g., "That's a
whole nother issue."

When you were a kid and somebody really pissed you
off, you said, "I'm gonna deck you!"

You know the expression, "Hey naw! Watchya dewin'?"

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Pennsylvania.

From:

ex-zombieham605.livejournal.com

"The only Jewish people that you've ever met have been
from New York or New Jersey. (Do you have any idea how much you have to suspend your disbelief watching Brendan Fraser play a Jewish kid from Scranton when you're watching "School Ties" if you're from PA?)"

Dude. Whoever wrote that hasn't spent much time in Philly, Pittsburgh or the suburbs surrounding either.

From:

kimera.livejournal.com

Hee. It's a universal thing, I think. My friends and I always do the "Ding ding DING. The next station is..." and "Expo Line to... King George" bit when we're on the Skytrain here in Vancouver.

From:

seferin.livejournal.com

The only Jewish people that you've ever met have been
from New York or New Jersey. (Do you have any idea how much you have to suspend your disbelief watching Brendan Fraser play a Jewish kid from Scranton when you're watching "School Ties" if you're from PA?)

I am Jewish from New York. Can you explain?

From:

apocalypsos.livejournal.com

(Again with the chipped ham. What the hell is that?)

If it's anything like chipped beef, it's this creamy-shredded-ham stuff served on bread. My dad had chipped beef when we went out to breakfast sometimes, just because I thought it looked like creamed baby crap.

From:

apocalypsos.livejournal.com

What I mean is, you could probably count the number of Jewish kids in the Scranton area on one hand, if that. The only time I ever encountered Jewish kids was once or twice when some of my aunts and uncles still lived in Jersey and we went to visit.

Jewish people are easy to find in New York and New Jersey ... Pennsylvania (especially the rural areas), not so much.

From:

apocalypsos.livejournal.com

All I can remember thinking the first time I watched it was seeing Brendan Fraser get on the bus and thinking, "There goes twenty percent of the Jewish population in Scranton." (Okay, so that's an exaggeration. But still. Why not put him on a dairy farm in the middle of Wayne County? It would have been about as believable.)

From:

welfy.livejournal.com

Yeah, Pittsburgh has quite the Jewish community from what I've heard (I live like 45 minutes away from there).

From:

xerne.livejournal.com

(Nope, Northeastern PA meant a trip into the coal mine withe the giant kid-squishing doors.)

I must have been on the coal mine tour two dozen times by now.

Actually, I took my fiance on it last week when we were visiting my parents up there. Because... um... it was hot. Yeah. Hot. That's my excuse.

They installed a new soundsystem that makes explosion noises now when they're demonstrating how the miners used dynamite.

From:

xerne.livejournal.com

My high school had one Jewish kid. The middle school also had one Jewish kid. She was the little sister of the guy I went to high school with.

From:

apocalypsos.livejournal.com

Explosion noises? Oh, that would have killed me. Going underground in any way, shape or form scares the hell out of me, so when they took us down there in elementary school, I was already terrified enough.

Then they told that story of how kids our age used to work down there sometimes they'd swing open the heavy doors between tunnels and crush the kids behind them, and then they opened one set of doors to reveal a little mannequin behind it. I don't know if they still tell that story, but just thinking about it gives me the shivers. Gyah. I'd much rather go to Steamtown and see the trains that don't go anywhere important.

From:

apocalypsos.livejournal.com

We didn't have any Jewish kids at our school that I can remember. I can only remember four black kids for my entire thirteen years of school there, two of whom were exchange students from Africa.

Oh, and I know of one gay kid in my class, but then again, he was my best friend. (Also, both of the flower shops in town were run by gay guys. We were chock full o' stereotypes. :))

From:

xerne.livejournal.com

Well, there was... one black kid I remember in my high school. I wasn't real social, though, I might have missed one. =P

I knew one gay guy in my class. And one guy I walked in on looking at gay porn (don't ask).

(Ok, I have to ask now, what district are you from?)

From:

xerne.livejournal.com

He said next year they're getting a smoke machine too.

Yeah, they still tell that story, though it didn't seem as gory now as I remember it being. D'you remember the hands of the trapped miner that move around? ^^

From:

apocalypsos.livejournal.com

Forest City Regional. Graduated in '95.

And hey, it could be worse than walking in on a guy looking at gay porn. Apparently, two guys in my high school got caught doing naughty things to a goat. *shudders*

From:

xerne.livejournal.com

North Pocono, in case you're curious.

And yes, that wins. Though down here in Bellefonte a couple years ago there was a case of a guy being arrested while in the process of trying to have his way with a mare.

From:

apocalypsos.livejournal.com

Not until you mentioned it. And a smoke machine? Great, I'm going to have some fun nightmares tonight.

From:

apocalypsos.livejournal.com

What is it with people in NEPA having sex with farm animals? I swear there's one in every town.

Dude, I might have actually been in North Pocono once or twice. Somewhere between basketball and cross country, I'm pretty sure I went to every high school around at once. (Not that I was any good at either sport, but still, I got travel to faraway exotic places like ... er, Delaware Valley!)

From:

xerne.livejournal.com

Bellefonte's central PA (you can tell because we're in Centre County, isn't that clever and precious?) so I'm thinking it's actually pretty widespread. (All these things people think are southern things... and they're not, really. Just redneck things, or something.)

I remember when my high school's cross country team was recruiting, they were like "We'll take anyone! Come on! Please?"

From:

dexwebster

You can harmonize perfectly with the alert for "Doors Closing" on the Metro (Oh, for crying out loud, I just tried it, and I totally can. *hangs head*)

Don't feel bad. I just realized I can do it too.

From:

syrance.livejournal.com

You know that Eucre is a card game and not a form of vomiting.

Damn, I was born and raised in Florida and I know how to play Euchre. I'm not too bad either. I wonder if I'm an anomaly?

also, do you mind if I friend you?

From:

enochsmiles.livejournal.com

The PA list is hilarious.

enochsmiles, A South Eastern PA ex-pat, living in California.

From:

ibanezaxe.livejournal.com

WoW!!! A smoke machine and sound systems??? The coal mine tour must be doing well...they're getting all high-tech and stuff...HAHAHA!!!

From:

ibanezaxe.livejournal.com

What??? No "Archibald Pothole" references... ;-P

From:

filmbuff.livejournal.com

I will continue to reply to every one of these with this link (http://www.boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20020620.html).

From:

closs.livejournal.com

Chipped ham is just ham that's been sliced so thinly it can't really be called a slice anymore. And if it's Isaly's Chipped Ham, then it's the greasiest, saltiest, yummiest ham ever.

Also, in SWPA, we don't say "you guys" or even "youse guys." We say "yunz." I think it's a warped contraction of you-ones, but I'm not sure of the exact lineage here. I never really picked that one up, but it's fairly widespread, especially in Pittsburgh.