(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

Dear famous actresses,

If you want the tabloids to stop speculating about whether that new ring on your finger is an engagement ring, then stop exchanging freakin' "promise rings" with your significant others. For crying out loud, who in real life has extra money to waste on a ring that's not an engagement ring?

Sincerely,

Me

******

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

I don't know if that's self-tanner or what happens after several days in the tanning salon, but LAY OFF. You're starting to become prime wank fodder for the Oompah Loompah population.

Sincerely,

Me

******

Dear God,

Please give me a boyfriend. I don't even care if he's an imaginary bloke from Canada. I just want someone to scare off the creepy Mexican from work who keeps hitting on me and looks terrifyingly like my uncle Butch. Who, you might have noticed, is a fucking putz.

Sincerely,

Me

******

Dear writing muse,

Oh, so NOW you're on crack. You can go fuck yourself.

Sincerely,

Me

******

Dear Magic Voice,

Hey! That is not your cue to go hit on my writing muse.

Sincerely,

Me

Comments

[xturtle.livejournal.com]

*raises hand* I'll be your imaginary bloke from canada. Granted, you will have to imagine that I'm a) a bloke, and b) from Canada, but I'm willing to be creative for a good cause.
:-)
CJ