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Nov. 10th, 2004 01:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypsosLet's kill time. Tell me the worst song you've ever heard, the worst movie you've ever seen, the worst TV show you've ever watched, and the worst book you ever read.
EDIT: Just so I answer ...
Worst song: "King of Wishful Thinking". Not because it sucked, but because I was once subjected to it over and over again in a continuous loop at a mall and ever since then ... NO.
Worst movie: House of 1000 Corpses, probably. Blech.
Worst TV show: A tie between Mutant X and Seventh Heaven.
Worst book: I can't remember the title, but before Titanic came out in the theaters, before it was cool to be a Titanic geek, I was so starved for Titanic lit when I was in high school that I bought this romance novel I saw at CVS that was set on the ship. It was horrendous. Not only were the female characters annoyingly Mary Sue (I believe they were hotie teenage twins named Smoke and Swan or Shindig and Salmon or some stupid twin alliteration like that) but the author gave real people on the ship entirely different histories. The one that pissed me off the most was that Captain Smith ended up having a mistress living with him on the ship in his freaking quarters. *eye roll*
EDIT: Just so I answer ...
Worst song: "King of Wishful Thinking". Not because it sucked, but because I was once subjected to it over and over again in a continuous loop at a mall and ever since then ... NO.
Worst movie: House of 1000 Corpses, probably. Blech.
Worst TV show: A tie between Mutant X and Seventh Heaven.
Worst book: I can't remember the title, but before Titanic came out in the theaters, before it was cool to be a Titanic geek, I was so starved for Titanic lit when I was in high school that I bought this romance novel I saw at CVS that was set on the ship. It was horrendous. Not only were the female characters annoyingly Mary Sue (I believe they were hotie teenage twins named Smoke and Swan or Shindig and Salmon or some stupid twin alliteration like that) but the author gave real people on the ship entirely different histories. The one that pissed me off the most was that Captain Smith ended up having a mistress living with him on the ship in his freaking quarters. *eye roll*
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:36 am (UTC)http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330068/
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:37 am (UTC)Worst movie, Octopus. I prefer my sci-fi with a dash of realism, thanks.
Worst TV show, "Kratz Kreatures". I was young, naive, and I wish someone had beaten me with a two-by-four.
Worst book, Wuthering Heights. Yeah, I know people consider it a classic. It put me to sleep.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:38 am (UTC)Worst Movie - Four Rooms (I think that's what it was called). It was bizarre and hard to follow and made no sense.
Worst TV Show - Hmm... pass for now
Worst Book The Mayor of Castorbridge by Thomas Hardy. Too much architechtual details. Very dry, very boring.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-10 10:41 am (UTC)TV: Hogan's Heros, "Let's set a comedy in a POW camp!" "Yeah, lets get a porn addict to star!"
Song: I'm repressing it. *closes eyes* Moon Shadow by Cat Stevens. Had it stuck in my head for a whole year.
Book: Earth Sea Quartett, for a female writer she deffinately went through a lot of female steriotypes.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:41 am (UTC)Worst Movie: I've watched a lot of completely irrelevant ones that were just too bad to be worth mentioning. Including loads of really bad kickboxing movies. The worst I've ever enjoyed is probably a toss-up between Punisher, version Dolph, and Mortal Kombat.
Worst TV Show: Lately, I've been exposing myself to Soap Operas. They're pretty dreadful.
Worst Book: Seriously, if it's that bad I'll put it down. I have read at least three Harold Robbins novels, though. And a couple of Mario Puzo books-that-aren't-The-Godfather-and-are-therefore-shit. Oh, and the novelisations of a whole lot of Hollywood blockbusters.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:41 am (UTC)Worst Book: Tie between Great Expectations (Charles Dickens, duh) and The Pearl by John Steinbeck.
Worst Song: No question--'Proud To Be An American.'
Worst TV Show: Erm, I hate most TV. But let's go with Fear Factor.
Oh, GOD.
Date: 2004-11-10 10:54 am (UTC)Re: Oh, GOD.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:44 am (UTC)Worst TV show: I hate to say it, but the live action Justice League that had Charlie Callas as Sinestro.
Worst Movie: Toss up between Bigfoot and Angel at My Table. I sat through the former, but not the latter.
Worst Book: Can't think of one.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:46 am (UTC)Floating Dragon by Peter Straub. It has a sickness in it not unlike the Stand, except this one slowly liquefies you to death like ebola.
And how do they defeat it? A child star from an old sitcom grows up, holds hands with his friends in the resistance, and sings "The Red Red Robin Goes Bob Bob Bobbin' Along".
I shit you not.
Lame-ometer off the fucking scale.
ain't easy, so i do it quickly
Date: 2004-11-10 10:44 am (UTC)worst song - probably w. houston's hitsingle.
worst tv - too many things, but seventh heaven maybe.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:44 am (UTC)The People Under the Stairs, and I only watched the whole thing because I was 14 and a guy was paying attention to me for one of the first times in my life.
I've never really continued watching a TV show that turns me off long enough to remember it. Hmmm. There's something on the Discover Air chanel called Airport that is just like being in an airport. The BF loves it and I hate it with an abiding passion.
The Shadow of the Dolls, the "sequel" to Valley of the Dolls is probably the worst book, because it took these great characters and had them act in completely ridiculous, OOC ways. Or maybe Trading Up by Candace Bushnell. That book made my eyeballs barf and my brain try to crawl out of my ears.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:47 am (UTC)You'd hate the song worse if that was your first name and everyone who meets you thinks themselves incredibly clever to sing that the moment you introduce yourself -- since the song came out in 1979.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:47 am (UTC)Worst Movie: Embrace of the Vampire. Some kind of Alyssa Milano vehicle before Charmed was dropped into her lap. Get this: one of the main damned characters is never given a name. In the credits he's only 'The Vampire'. And the reason for his seduction/turning/general excuse for Milano to act out pubescent's boys bad girl fantasies of Milano is not explained for the duration of the entire movie.
Worst show: Ooh, tough one. I'm stuck between Seventh Heaven and The Mountain. Probably The Mountain, though. Seventh Heaven, at the very least, still has one scrap of talent left with the return of David Gallagher, and on The Mountain you don't even get the virtues of hotness. You could actually drain enough oil out of Oliver Hudson's hair to fry an egg.
Worst book: One of the Dark Orgasm whatevers by Christine Feehan. I told myself that if the male or female protags referred to the male protag's 'tortured soul' one more time I was going to throw the book across the room. They did, I did, and I haven't seen it since. Running a close second, however, is Christopher Golden's first novel, the name of which escapes me. Two characters were actually using dialogue to artlessly give a bunch of exposition that both of these characters already knew to begin with.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:53 am (UTC)Try listening to other songs by them. The Candy Man is pretty scary too.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:49 am (UTC)Movie: Clifford, starring Martin Short as a 10yo. Buh? My family went to see it at the insistance of my brother. BLEEDING EYES!
TV Show: Yu-Gi-Oh! Crappiest show I have ever, ever been too bored to change the channel on. It's like reading a gaming manual but without all the excitement of playing and absolutely no drama. Of COURSE the good guys win and advance to the next level. And don't forget to win it for your blind friend in the hospital. *gag*
Book: Oo... Ulysses was pretty awful, but I think the prize goes to Nightwood by Djuna Barnes. Death, pain, and image porn. Bleck.
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Date: 2004-11-10 12:07 pm (UTC)But I'm with ya on the Christmas carols. Uck.
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:50 am (UTC)Worst Movie: hmmm. Timeline left me husband frothing at the mouth. it was funny.
Worst TV Show: Extreme Makeoever. Makes me ANGRY. if you are going to pay for extensive plastic surgery, how about giving it to BURN VICTIMS instead of people who whine about their looks? (Home Edition, to my shame, i actually enjoy)
Worst Book: Forever by Judy Blume. i read it as a high schooler, because i had heard it had been banned and wanted to know what the big deal way. eventually, when whosherface's boyfriend was whining about how much it hurt him physically not to have sex, i threw the book across the room and glared at it every time i passed for DAYS.
why? was time bad?
Date: 2004-11-10 10:58 am (UTC)Worst Movie: I have to choose? shit
Worst TV show: Jerry Springer
Worst Book: Rosemary's Baby
*looks at watch*
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Date: 2004-11-10 10:59 am (UTC)Worst movie: I don't watch bad movies (or any movies) as a habit ... probably Daredevil; all other bad movies were so long ago I've forgotten them.
Worst TV show: Surprise by Design. I'm sure there are more offensive shows out there, but I've never seen them. This show is just so sickeningly soppy and condescending that it makes me want to kick everyone involved with it. This is true of many TLC reality shows, actually.
Worst Book: Godslayer by Mickey Zucker Reichert. It's about a Vietnam soldier who's mysteriously turned into an elf transported to a fantasy world to, umm, do something. It's so badly written that it's funny. (Like when the hero is kissing the girl of his dreams and inexplicably starts thinking of his little brother.)
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Date: 2004-11-11 01:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-10 11:04 am (UTC)worst movie: again, so many. blood sisters of lesbian sin was pretty foul.
worst TV show: the bradys, the short-lived 1990 'drama' with the brady bunch characters. lame. we're talkin' night-court-in-its-fifth-season laaaaaame.
worst book: not that i've ever gotten more than a few pages into it, but a local retired cop self-published a really, really bad mystery novel. i take it off the library shelf every so often to sporfle. quote from the end:
"The skull of an animal, possibly that of a buffalo is laying on the ground, next to a gold medallion, partially covered by the desert sand. What all this means, is what every individual has to figure out within their own mind."
the epilogue also says, for no particular reason, "God is love, and life should be preserved in every way, particularly at conception."
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:30 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:06 am (UTC)(there are also a number of other songs from the late 70's that make me nervous, mostly because I took things too literally as a child. "Killing me softly with his song" will always sound creepy to me, because as a kid I thought someone was really being killed.)
Worst book: Well, I returned a book called Lady Dragon to the bookstore because I found it depressing and annoying. I nearly tore out each page of The Iron Dragon's Daughter as I got past them and only finished it out of pure stubborness. Continuing the horrible Dragon-titled books, I recently cringed my way through Eragon, which felt like shined up nanowrimo book.
The first two of these had the same problem. Dear Author: I recognize that your book is filled with gritty settings and complex characters and gee you sure have put a lot of layers into your story so no one can accuse it of being fluffy and too pretty. My don't you do a lot of awful things to your characters! On the other hand, I hate all of your characters and your plot is pointless as a result, because I really don't care what happens to them next.
(Had pretty much the same reaction to Catcher in the Rye, to be honest.)
Worst TV show? I don't have a TV anymore, so I'm not much help here. I'm generally glad to have missed exposure to most reality-based TV shows though.
Worst movie: Species 2. No, I don't remember why I went to see it. The first movie was stupid, but hey, it was nice to see a scary monster female. Second movie had a sliiiightly anti-female bend to it (there were exploding prostitutes), plus the only other people in the theater was a family of five... including three children under six, who cried in terror for most of the movie.
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Date: 2004-11-10 03:01 pm (UTC)I'm currently reading Eragon and, while it's not amazing or deep, I'm kind of enjoying in the way that one sometimes prefers marshmallows instead of having a nutritious and tasty meal...
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:06 am (UTC)Worst Movie: oh jeez. I have to admit, shamefully, I watched On The Line. Yes, the nsync movie. Oy vey did that make me cringe...but the last five minutes were hysterical (to me)
Worst TV show: I can't believe nobody's said Dr Phil. Cause yeah, gotta go with the evil incarnate that is that hack.
Worst Book: I Am The Cheese. I hated that book. I wish I could find my old report in which I blasted it.
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:06 am (UTC)Showdown In Little Tokyo. Featured Brandon Lee saying 'that is the biggest penis I have ever seen on a man'.
Rescue Team or whatever. It was this cartoon about those kids toys and they were all strong jawed and yelled out platitudes.
The babysitter's club book where they made a huge fuss over KILLING A CHARACTER and then they just made one up for that specific one and then never mentioned her again.
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:42 am (UTC)And now I want to know where the biggest penis that he's ever seen, period, was.
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:06 am (UTC)Worst Movie: It's a toss-up between Battlefield Earth and Spiceworld. Also, I had to turn off 'The Singing Detective' after about ten minutes.
Worst Book: Chateau Ella by...I have no idea who. But it was like Mary Sue in print. Complete with purple eyes.
Worst TV show: I've seen an episode of 7th heaven, and nearly lost the will to live.
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:12 am (UTC)Seventh Heaven should have been put out of its misery ages ago, but at the very least, the TWoP summaries for it are hilaaaaaaaarious.
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:18 am (UTC)Worst Movie: “Until The End of The World” What I thought was going to be an ‘end of days’ disaster movie turned out to be a dippy, confusing romance masquerading as an action movie. An 80 minute movie padded out to three hours. The plane crash near the end was interesting and creatively done, and the first 10 minutes had some promise. This could have been an exiting film if the director had stuck to one plot line.
Worst TV Show: “Enterprise” You killed Star Trek, you bastard!
Worst Book: “Shoebag” a cockroach named ‘Shoebag’ gets tuned into a human boy and is adopted by a human family. Their little girl is an actress for commercials. All she does all day is sit in the, watching her commercials and counting her money. No explanation for Shoebag’s transformation is ever given. I think the book was suppose to be funny, but it wasn’t. Not by a long shot. The only positive thing I can say about it was that it was a kids book, so was mercifully short. The only book that I’ve read and thought “hundreds of trees died for this?”
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:22 am (UTC)Worst movie: For Christmas last year, my friends, who love me dearly and know me well, gave me a DVD of Simply Irresistable (which they in turn got for free), because someday I will think "C'mon, was Simply Irresistable *really* that bad?" and will want to rewatch it, and now I won't have to spend actual money on it to do so. Because it really is that bad. Laughable wooden acting, mediocre soundtrack, and woeful attempts at a Like Water for Chocolate homage aside, the entire plot hinges on the deus ex machina machinations of a MAGIC PUPPET CRAB.
Worst TV show: Hmmm. Well, "The Mullets" was both spectacularly awful and UPN KILLED "JAKE 2.0" FOR IT, so it's automatically going to burn forever in TV Show Hell.
Worst book: Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser. I hate this book sooooo muuuuuch that my loathing for it is engraved into my soul. There are college classes here I will never, ever take because I've seen Dreiser somewhere on their reading lists. Garrison Keillor wrote an essay about Sister Carrie titled "Why Did They Ever Ban A Book This Bad?" Some sadist made it the official UIL Literary Criticism novel for my junior year of high school, so I had to re-read it *four times* for various academic competitions that year, and I hated it more intensely every time both for being horrible and for making me pretend it wasn't horrible when taking tests about it. Nothing even remotely interesting happens in the entire novel, the prose style manages to be both pathetically limp and wildly over-the-top, and the characters (especially the damp washrag of a protagonist) are pathetic cardboard cutout caricatures of actual people.
I could write a 40-page analytical essay detailing just how AWFUL Sister Carrie is, but that would require reading it AGAIN, which I will stab myself in the hand before doing. Instead I will just quote my pet passage from Chapter X, "THE COUNSEL OF WINTER--FORTUNE'S AMBASSADOR CALLS", in which Dreiser stops the narrative dead in order to go off on a philosophical rant:
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:23 am (UTC)Worst Movie: SO MANY from which to choose. And fortunately for us, a bumper crop ended up on MST3K. Manos the Hands of... FATE!!! Or Santa Claus vs. The Martians. Or... oh, so many. To this day I'll say, "This would be better with snarky robots in front of it" when I see a bad movie.
Worst TV Show: Full House. Not only was it horrible, it's the (unwanted) gift that keeps on giving, as it spawned that unholy Twinset of Doom that we still have to contend with today.
Worst Book: The Cat Who Could Walk Through Walls by Robert "I have a brain tumor but no editor" Heinlein. Only book I ever destroyed after I read.
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:33 am (UTC)Worst Song: Barbie Girl, but mostly because the rest of that album is actually decent, and Barbie Girl just RUINS it. That or Ice, Ice Baby.
Worst Book: Sky Trillium. It sounded good in the book club catalog, but it was so bad I couldn't finish it. Also, Robinson Carusoe. Classic my ass. It had me bored to tears, and I read EVERYTHING. (I read Shogun and enjoyed it in jr. high)
Worst TV Show: Hmm. I don't generally watch TV unless it's good, so, I guess One Tree Hill. But I watch it eer week regardless. Oh the teenage soap operas!
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Date: 2004-11-10 11:38 am (UTC)Worst song: MC Hammer's "Didn't Write This", er, "Can't Touch This". I actually made Manly leave an office party where they played this song.
Worst TV show: Hmm. "The Dukes of Hazzard", I guess.
Worst Book: "Tess of the D'Urbervilles"