Ooo!

You know what I could use? A guy who comes with a remote control. Tell me this is not the best idea ever. It could just have a whole bunch of up and down buttons on it, and you could change their face, their attitude, their hair color, their accents ... whatever. So one day, you could have a delightfully lust-ridden Hugh Jackman with an Irish accent, and the next you could have a delightfully lust-ridden Pierce Brosnan with an Australian accent, and the next you could have a delightfully lust-ridden Orlando Bloom with a Scottish accent. (Yes, the emotion button on my guy's remote would be broken or nonexistent. Shut up.)

I wonder if there's a market for this. Actually, come to think of it, I wonder why there isn't a market for this. Maybe there is. Some place with really large shopping carts.

Ooo! Maybe they're hiring!

See, this is what happens to me when Bravo doesn't have video during Pierce Brosnan's "Inside the Actor's Studio". Shameful, really.

*user crosses fingers hopefully*

I found a place not more than fifteen minutes from here that I really, really hope is hiring that would be an absolutely perfect place for me to work -- a luxury pet hotel. Somewhere between the crowd of Siamese cats at my parents' house at all times and my mother's obsessive love for animals, I've only been training for this since I was a zygote, so if I'm not hired for something, it's because they have a trained monkey running the HR department.

*user wishes she can work there, since she's been feeling pet-deprived since she left home ... although the thought of how the loud-mouthed underwear-thieving cat must be acting since she left is giving her the warm, vengeful fuzzies*

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PotC icons everywhere I turn? Queer Eye love as far as the eye can see? Anti-Bush-ness wherever I go? Of course, you realize what this means, gang.

Dogpile on the friends list! *user pounces on her friends list and shags it happily senseless, then passes out remote control guys and gals like the world's most enjoyable party favors*

You know, I really should be more careful with you people. For all I know, you could be having sex with an entirely different friends list. For shame!

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If this isn't the single biggest airhead on "Made" right now, I don't know where you would find her, because this chick takes the cake. She's seventeen or so, she has a brand new Beemer, she's in itty bitty skirts all the time, and she has -- ahem -- "extreme asthma". Then she signed up for them to turn her into a BMX biker chick.

So all she's done is whine and moan and bitch for the whole time. She and all her little prissy best friends are breaking up because she's spending time with the BMXers and her coach isn't hot and her boyfriend's all jealous ... (You have to imagine all that in a spoiled, whiny voice.) And then when a real BMX chick called her on it, she had the nerve to make it sound like she was being persecuted.

And people wonder why I hated high school. Well, the grade below mine, anyway. It was populated by annoying chicks like this. At least my grade was decent. Ick.

EDIT: *dies laughing* Her coach just snarked that he wasn't sure if she wanted to ride bikes or ride guys who ride bikes. Wooooow. He has a long-distance, temporally-displaced telepathic link with me. I'm so impressed.

Aaaaaaaaaaand he just ditched her outside a strip club. Go, coach!

I want to bear Jon Stewart's snarky children.

Re: "Gigli", to Denis Leary -- "Do you think it's bad enough for them to stop f***ing?"

*user dies*

Sorry, just had to share. :)

Oh, and can I say just how much I love the movie "Wilde"? Orlando Bloom. Ioan Gruffudd. Jude Law. Jude Law's naked, moonlit ass. And lots of slashy, slashy fun. Granted, not between the three of them, but I can dream. And quite possibly will, over and over and over again, all night long.

*sigh* Happy writer. Heck, happy I am a writer. Otherwise, I'd just be a joyfully idiotic perv instead of a creative genius gaining inspiration from my underexercised imagination. Which, you know, sounds better on job applications. :)

Oh. Dear. GOD.

I want this for my birthday. That is all. :)