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The trailer for Michelle Trachtenburg's new movie is up on Apple Trailers, and she's wearing a bikini in it. I know she's a teenager, but daaaaaaaamn, is that girl skinny. You know, I figured she'd learn something from spending so much time with SMG, but really, I'm not sure that how to get mistaken for a microphone stand when you turn sideways is the life lesson she should have picked up.

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I know I'm twisted because today I was walking past the Christian store in the mall and I really, really wished I knew a Solstice carol just to see if I could freak anybody out.

And I don't have time now, but wait until I fill you in on Captain Asshat's day. Oh, boy.

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( The Adventures of Captain Asshat and The Moron Triple Play )