(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

Is anybody else as bored as I am? Seriously, incredibly bored?

How's about we entertain each other? Tell me something interesting. Anything. A joke, a bit of trivia, gossip, weird facts, anything. Got a lot of things you can share? Go right on ahead. Let's see how many new and interesting things we can learn today. Heck, tell your friends -- let them come and join in. *user puts on a Miss Judy outfit and prepares to show a cheap cartoon*

I'll go first. What do you have when you have two little green balls in your hand?

...

Kermit the Frog's undivided attention.

*user contemplates the rating of that particular joke and seriously considers changing out of her Miss Judy outfit*

Okay, guys, your turn. C'mon, it'll be fun.

Comments

I'll play...

[qnotku.livejournal.com]

How do you circumcize a whale?










4 skin-divers.

*G*
Teri

[jrosestar.livejournal.com]

This older man is sitting at a bar when a beautiful woman comes in and sits next to him.

Just making conversation he asks her "What do you do?"

She replies, "I'm a lesbian. When I wake up in the morning the first thing I think of is women. When I'm taking a shower I'm thinking of women. When I'm at work I'm thinking of women and when I go to bed I'm thinking of women."

She got up to leave. A couple came in and sat down next to the older man. The husband turned to the older man and asked, "So, what do you do?"

The man replied, "Well, I used to think I was a farmer, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Yes, it's 9:30 and I'm alreasy bored, so here you go

[artemis-child.livejournal.com]

First I'd like to mention that I have nothing against blondes and that a NATURAL blonde friend of mine sent me these:

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?







A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.


Q: How do drown blonde?





A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.



Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU?






A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.



Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?




A: The joystick is wet.



And a cute one:


A father and son went hunting together for the first time.

The father said, "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be
across the field."

A few minutes later, the father heard a bloodcurdling
scream and ran back to his son. "What's wrong?" the father
asked. "I told you to be quiet."

The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake
slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed
down my neck. I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed
over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when
the wasp stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat.
I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching.

But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and
said, "Should we eat them here or take them with us? 'Well, I
just panicked!'"

Re: Yes, it's 9:30 and I'm alreasy bored, so here you go

[runcible.livejournal.com]

I've heard the chipmunk joke before and I LOVE it.

[artemis-child.livejournal.com]

And that would be already, not alreasy. Yes, I work with liquor, why do you ask? :blinks:

my contribution . . .

[tree220.livejournal.com]

EXPRESSIONS FOR WOMEN ON HIGH STRESS DAYS

1. You - Off my planet
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
5. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
6. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
7. Allow me to introduce my selves.
8. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
9. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
10. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
11. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
12. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep
13. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
14. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
15. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
16. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
17. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
18. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
19. Chaos, panic + disorder - my work here is done.
20. Earth is full. Go home.
21. Is it time for your medication or mine?
22. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
23. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert

Beware: Xenophobia.

[wal-lace.livejournal.com]

My most favouritest joke.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day, resting. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land mass and said "What's that one?" "Ah," said God. "That's Britain, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and hills. The people from Britain are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!" God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next to them in France."

[1st-folio.livejournal.com]

Nothing to contribute but these were great to read after having to be in a looongggg two hour meeting about deeds, which I don't even deal with.

C, shaking head

[elfiepike.livejournal.com]

My favorite pirate joke ever:

A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender looks at him and says, "You have a steering wheel in your pants."

The pirate makes a face. "Arrrrr, it's driving me nuts!"

[artemis-child.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahaha!!!!

Random Trivia

[wal-lace.livejournal.com]

Miss Piggy is a drag queen.

Think about it. She's physically rather stronger and tougher than your average muppet, she's obsessed with makeup and clothing to a degree that no real woman could be, she puts on a deliberate falsetto, and she doesn't actually have any breasts.

There's only one possible conclusion.

Re: Random Trivia

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

A little-known bit of trivia is that pigs have thirty-minute orgasms. Add that to the whole drag queen thing, and it's no wonder Kermit always screams like that.

Re: Random Trivia

[ficangel.livejournal.com]

:::spits:::

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

So, two guys are out hunting, and one suddenly clutches his chest and collapses. Frantic, the other one calls the doctor: "Doctor, my buddy fell over, and now he's dead!"

"...okay, calm down," replies the doctor. "First, make sure your friend is really dead."

"Okay..."

*Sound of phone being put down*

*BANG!*

"...he's dead, all right; now what?"