Something to pass time ...

[apocalypsos]

In honor of Kansas debating on whether to teach evolution or creationism, tell me how we got here, and be as creative as possible. :)

Comments

[lizbetann]

First, the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came. But they got to big and fat, and turned into oil. And then the Arabs came, and they all drove Mercedes-Benzes.

[etymological.livejournal.com]

Cut down the rain forest! Burn fossil fuels! Buy Mercedes-Benzes!

+ 10 to whoever gets it.

[genepool23.livejournal.com]

The Universe spontaneously blinked into existance a moment ago, fully formed in it's current state, with memories pre-programmed into the minds of all sentient beings which give the illusion of being a part of an ongoing continuum. The entire creation/evolution debate is an illusory phantasm, which would probably continue to rage on, if it were not for the reassuring fact that this Universe is due to be destroyed and replaced any moment now.

Oh, and the creator is a bunny with a tophat named Maurice. Why he named his tophat, we may never know.

[aliaspiral.livejournal.com]

Im in with the idea of the people whose names i cant remember..from the Hitchhiker's Guide. the ones who believe we were all sneezed out of the creators nose, and fear the coming of The Great White Handkerchef.

Bless you my children!

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

When a jumped-up monkey on a backwater planet and a Time Lord with an ape fixation love each other very much...

[sabotabby]

Bwahahaha!

[fallofrain.livejournal.com]

Oh Jesus McFuck. Not AGAIN. We went through this once already and it got reversed.

[wenchamok.livejournal.com]

My thoughts exactly..... wasn't being a national laughingstock once enough for the state? *headdesk*

[ajinamoto.livejournal.com]

Do you mean personally? My mother bought me from a travelling troll.

Humans overall? There's something about soup, chicken maybe? Then some fish developed legs and moved to land because the other fish made fun of them. Don't know how humans came about from that, maybe the fish started shaving their legs?

I liked to take naps in school, can you tell?

[miggy.livejournal.com]

Bree baked us, and so we all started from a state of perfection. However, Lynette came over and guilt-tripped Bree into handing all of us over for her brats to enjoy, and being exposed to the Scavo house is where sin came into the mix.

[fortuna-juvat.livejournal.com]

When an economic, political conservative and a hard-line evangelist Christian love each other very much.....


they spawn an unholy bastard child (with some anti-intellectualism thrown in from their Uncle) and screw the rest of us over.

[milkshake-b.livejournal.com]

Once upon a time, man invented the computer, and it was good. But man looked and saw that if he could connect his computer to another computer, it would be better. And so it was done, and done again, and done again. And lo, man looked upon this network he had wrought, and said, "Hey, I think there's some potential here for distributing information and communication to everybody!"

And then there was porn.

[aliaspiral.livejournal.com]

this is my new favorite theory.

oh no, wait..this is TRUE. this is my new favorite truth!

[teleute12.livejournal.com]

Once upon a time, there was a person. And another person. And probably more than that, but those two are the ones we're talking about right now. And so those first two people made lots and lots of babies, and the babies grew up and made babies with those other persons that I talked about before, and I just completely lost track of what I was saying.

[hannahrorlove.livejournal.com]

Personally, I blame the penguins. You cannot trust anything that wears evening wear all day.

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

This Queen of Wands icon says all that needs to be said on that subject.

[the-lizard-rat.livejournal.com]

I took a dump on an asteroid, and we're nothing but the fetid bacteria growing from the decomposition of said dumpings.

Wanna know something worse? What if our planet is a real mistake --- we have none of the "elements" common to the universe and in fact what we DO have, no one wants or needs, so the intelligent races put a marker close to this system saying "THIS PLACE SUCKS".

That and our Mt. Dew is toxic to all forms of intelligent life.

Or we could be simulated characters in someone's computer screen, a la The Sims or whathaveyou.

Lizard Rat out.
Babbling his brains out in Albany NY

[opportunemoment.livejournal.com]

If you can be arsed, you can go read the beginning chapter of my book that I posted the other day, which explains just that and is creative but not short :)

Either that, or we're all just a figment of Neil Gaiman's imagination, which is why everyone thinks he's god.

[clex_monkie89.livejournal.com]

Wait. Thinks he's god? You mean he isn't?

[snowpiratess.livejournal.com]

Well, one day in the Void, a coupla black holes got hungry and decided to cook up a few planets as a tasty snack. One fell under the sofa and had time to evolve mouldy stuff on its surface, and eventually sentient lifeforms... They never suspected that if the black holes ever decided to vacuum under the sofa, they would be DOOMED.

[conuly]

Once there was a man dreaming he was a butterfly. And when he woke up, he was a butterfly, and he dreamed up this whole wonderful world in which he could live.

[lakidaa.livejournal.com]

is it ok or me to go AWWWWWWWWW?

[robyn-ma.livejournal.com]

According to the Gospel of Stephen Trask:

¹When the earth was still flat, and the clouds made of fire, and mountains stretched up to the sky, sometimes higher, ²folks roamed the earth like big rolling kegs. They had two sets of arms. They had two sets of legs. ³They had two faces peering out of one giant head so they could watch all around them as they talked; while they read. ⁴And they never knew nothing of love. ⁵It was before the origin of love.

⁶And there were three sexes then, one that looked like two men glued up back to back, called the children of the sun. ⁷And similar in shape and girth were the children of the earth. They looked like two girls rolled up in one. ⁸And the children of the moon were like a fork shoved on a spoon. They were part sun, part earth, part daughter, part son.

⁹Now the gods grew quite scared of our strength and defiance, and Thor said, ¹⁰"I'm gonna kill them all with my hammer, like I killed the giants." And Zeus said, ¹¹"No, you better let me use my lightning, like scissors, like I cut the legs off the whales and dinosaurs into lizards." ¹²Then he grabbed up some bolts and he let out a laugh, said, ¹³"I'll split them right down the middle. Gonna cut them right up in half." ¹⁴And then storm clouds gathered above into great balls of fire.

¹⁵And then fire shot down from the sky in bolts like shining blades of a knife. And it ripped right through the flesh of the children of the sun ¹⁶and the moon and the earth. And some Indian god sewed the wound up into a hole, pulled it round to our belly to remind us of the price we pay. ¹⁷And Osiris and the gods of the Nile gathered up a big storm to blow a hurricane, to scatter us away, in a flood of wind and rain, and a sea of tidal waves, to wash us all away.

¹⁸And if we don't behave they'll cut us down again and we'll be hopping round on one foot ¹⁹and looking through one eye.

[nextian.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD ARISTOPHANES FROM PLATO LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Um, yeah, I'm not a classics geek at all.

[silly-dan.livejournal.com]

I don't know about you guys, but I took the bus.

[septembergrrl.livejournal.com]

There is no we, there is only you. And you are a computer simulation launched at 3:15 a.m. this morning but bored space college freshmen who wanted to create the most absurd world possible.

Everyoone else is merely an element in the simulation.

[ani-bester.livejournal.com]

HA! I like this one.

[dragonwhishes.livejournal.com]

It all started when the Fake Turtle started coughing. The Gryphon tried to make him feel better, but all it ended up leading to was the Cheshire Cat sneezing, and thus the world started.

[callie-chan.livejournal.com]

I say we're all god bukkake.

-Callisto

[florahart]

First, there was Mike Mulligan's steam shovel. It dug a big hole. Into it were poured the following:

All the doughnuts made by the doughnut machine the day Homer Price made them all including the one with the ring;
Pikachu;
The stupid glass-eyed pirate from the Black Pearl, Einstein, Britney, and Roseanne;
Ellen Tebbit's long underwear;
Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who, and Mrs. Which;
and Fantastic Mr. Fox's food storehouse.

Then, this was all stirred up by the Wicked witch's flying monkeys swarming in circles.

Then, the primordial goo thereby created was poured out, by Q, onto the Giant Griddle in the Sky to make great pancakes, which were eaten by Zeus. Then, humanity sprung, fully formed, out of his head, landed on the ground, bounced, and found itself at the top of the beanstalk, where it stole the harp and opened Pandora's box.

Pandora decided this was better than simply touching her box, but that's another story.

Upon return to solid earth, dragons toasted humanity until well-done, necessitating the invention of firemen. However, Mrs. O'Leary's cow distracted them, but fortunately the toastees were mostly Cylons anyway, so all was well.

And that is how we got here.

Oh, and somewhere in there, Al Gore invented the internets.

[vampirespider.livejournal.com]

I less than three you. This is perfect.

[ranchangrnl.livejournal.com]

We are all the figments of imagination belonging to an Alaskian Inuit named Fred.

[kimera.livejournal.com]

Well, see, there were these aliens called the Kimera (my namesake, of course), and they were quite fond of mucking about with the evolution of other species. They'd already caused a major SNAFU by accidentally splitting one species in to two radically different ones (thus setting off a war that lasts for millenia), so they figured that clearly, the best way to fix this problem would be to create a third species that would be the genetic link between these other two.

But of course, they don't mention anything about their plans to this new species they create (and who would, seeing as they're essentially a patch for a bug-filled program?), so everyone goes along evolving happily until WHAM- one day the aliens arrive and start messing with humans again, and there's fighting and backstabbing and blah blah blah...

And when all three species get together in to a shiny box hidden in a volcano somewhere, it re-awakens that first species that the Kimera mucked with, who then go about killing most of humanity for snacks.

And then there's this one clown, who died only to come back due to the collective will of the universe's consciousness.

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

yay, show!

[fire-and-a-rose.livejournal.com]

Once upon a time, o best beloved, in the caves of ice there lived a small animal that had never been seen before by men, nor women, nor any other race that exists today upon the earth. No creature could say, then or now, where it came from, nor if it had parents, nor if there existed others of its kind, where siblings, or mates. It had soft fur, like a rabbit, that the ice did not touch, and when the beings that walked the earth in those days passed by it, they would later say that its breath was like flowers blooming after a spring rain.

In those days, o best beloved, the earth was younger than it is now, and the spirits were more active. The river goddess had not yet fallen into her sleep, from which she will yet awaken when it is time for her to rule again--or so they say, and I repeat only the tale as it was told to me. One day a hunter came to her palace at the mouth of the river, and though he could not enter, being a creature of flesh, she emerged from its doors and sat on the bank to speak with him. From the hunter she learned of the creature who smelled like spring and whose fur the ice wouldn't freeze.

The greatest sorrow of the river goddess was that when winter came, she would be locked in her palace for the season, and even a palace can be a prison when one cannot leave. The thought occurred to her that perhaps the creature would be able to keep winter away from her own home. Whether or not this was true, she made up her mind to have the creature who made its home in the caves of ice brought to her palace.

Ice is part of the realm of water, and as such, the goddess--whose name is lost now, taken by time, but it is said that it was one of great power that let all know her beauty without having to see her--could tell exactly where the caves of ice were. She ordered maps made, and called to her trackers, hunters, all manners of spirits and creatures of flesh and blood, ordering, begging, bribing them to bring the creature who made its home in the caves of ice to her palace.

O, the crowd that set out to find the creature and bring it back was many. Time passed as they walked, though, and the tree spirits were the first to give up the quest, heading back towards their forests and orchards, trails of leaves falling behind them as they went. The spirits of water stiffened, then looked for hollows, ditches, to fill and spend the winter in. Soon all the spirits had given up, except those of the air, and only they and the creatures of flesh remained.

And still the river goddess waited, in her liquid-crystal palace.

And as the crowd continued, best beloved, some of the creatures of flesh drifted off to hunt for food, and didn't return. Some were killed, and some simply became bored with the quest for the river goddess. The spirits of the air were an energetic bunch, and many of them also left. By the time they reached the caves of ice, o best beloved, only one creature of flesh and one spirit remained. Both approached the creature whose fur did not freeze and who smelled of the springtime.

"What business have you with me?" demanded the creature, and though it was small, its voice seemed to fill the room, the icicles falling as it spoke.

"We come to bring you back to the river goddess," they replied, "for she wishes your presence to keep her kingdom from freezing when the winter comes."

"And what makes you and she think that I have the power to do this?" asked the creature who smelled of flowers.

And the creature of flesh and the spirit of air did not answer.

There was silence for a long while--years may have passed, or only minutes, but eventually, the creature who lived in the caves of ice spoke. "Take me to the river goddess."

Both the spirit of the air and the creature of flesh reached for the creature who lived in the caves of ice, whose fur did not freeze and who smelled of the spring, at the same time. There was neither flash, nor noise, nor burning scent, but after a moments passes, where once the spirit of the air had stood there was a woman, and where once the creature of flesh had stood, there was a man. There was no sign of the creature who lived in the caves of ice, but the walls echoed with the sound of answer.

And that, o best beloved, is how man was made.