(no subject)

Eeeeee! I so have to get this movie before Christmas comes. This trumps "It's a Wonderful Live" in my house, and I'm talking even after twenty hours worth of Ralphie on TNT.

You know, one day I'm going to meet a nice young man and bring him home to meet my parents for Christmas, and he's going to be under the impression we're a nice normal family right up to the point where Scut Farkus goes after Ralphie in the alley and my entire family pops out of bedroom, basement, and bathroom like a Broadway musical chorus to scream, "Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense," at the screen.

See, you think I'm kidding. It's kind of like a showing of Rocky Horror if the audience suddenly realized they didn't look all that good in their underpants and it would probably be a better idea to interact with a movie that required them to wear bulky sweaters and long johns.

(no subject)

Hey, guess what? I've got a flamer!

*dies laughing*

Apparently, someone takes offense with the Gidget thing in my journal name. Whoever it is keeps responding to my posts with flame-appropriate crappy grammar usage and repeated whines that Gidget wouldn't be anti-Bush, pro-gay marriage, or curse like a Quentin Tarantino character banging his knee off the coffee table.

Dude, I've been saying that for months, but does anybody listen to me? Noooooo.

And why do you keep saying it like I'm supposed to care? My journal, my business. If I want to name it "Jennifer's Wacky Mass Underage Monkey Orgy", the closest thing you're going to get to constructive input on the subject is asking whether or not it counts if you bring two orangutans who just turned eighteen to the party. (The answer, by the way, is a resounding no. Unless, of course, they're dating twelve-year-old Capuchins, in which case you should make sure they bring their girlfriends.)

*user immediately grabs the first guy she can find on her friends list, christens him Moondoggie, and gleefully shags the son of a bitch while singing "Good Vibrations" as seductively as humanly possible*

(no subject)

You know what I think we need this weekend?

( Dirty Joke Fest! )

Okay, your turn. :)

(no subject)

Argh.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to take that LJ sexual compatibility quiz when you're a twenty-six-year-old virgin? Apparently, friends list sex doesn't count as actual sex unless one of you cheap bastards leaves some money on my nightstand every once in a while.

*user sighs*

You know that saying about how if you don't have sex for a long time, you get your virginity back? I think those of us who keep our virginity past a certain age should get our pick of who gets to de-virginize us.

In which case, should this rule get implemented, I can safely assure you that the only thing Johnny Depp will be doing the following weekend is me over and over and over again until we're both blue in the face. (Which probably means we're doing it wrong, but whatever.)